tommy boy sailboat quotes

50 Best Tommy Boy Quotes That Will Have The Whole Family In Fits

Funny 'Tommy Boy' Quotes

The best chris farley movie quotes from 'tommy boy', 'tommy boy' sales quotes for today's salespeople, a bunch of hilarious quotes by tommy and richard.

'Tommy Boy' is a film that was released in 1995. The director Peter Segal and 'SNL' stars made it a huge commercial success. Chris Farley portrayed the protagonist, Tommy boy, and David Spade appeared as Richard.

'SNL' is known for escorting some of the finest comedians and actors with great performances, which is also the case with this film. It is filled with great performances and a comic storyline. Here are some uproarious 'Tommy Boy' movie quotes from Chris Farley, David Spade, and more.

Here are some comical quotes from the 'Tommy Boy' best scenes, spoken by Chris Farley, David Spade, and other actors. Can you spot a quote from your favorite 'Tommy Boy' scene here? Look out for the "Herbie Hancock" 'Tommy Boy' quote here too!

1. "Tommy: Does this suit make me look fat?

Richard: No, your face does."

2. "Brothers don't shake hands. Brothers gotta hug." -Tommy

3. "Guy puts a fancy guarantee on a box 'cause he wants you to feel all warm and toasty inside." -Tommy

4. "Tommy: Him too afraid to get out, him just a little guy.

Richard: All right, that's it, fat boy, I'm gonna wail on you."

5. "Look mommy, the rhino's getting too close to the car." -Richard

6. "I'd rather take a butcher's word for it." -Tommy

7. "Richard: I need your John Hancock .

Tommy: It's Herbie Hancock."

8. "Were you calling from a walkie-talkie?" -Richard

9. "Tommy: Did you hear I finally graduated?

Richard: Yeah and just a shade under a decade too... Aaalright."

10. "I can't hear you, you're trailing off, and did I catch a niner in there?" -Richard

Here are some funny Chris Farley quotes from the famous 'Tommy Boy' fight scene, the 'Tommy Boy' restaurant scene, 'Tommy Boy' boat scene, 'Tommy Boy' deer scene and 'Tommy Boy' airplane scene. Phew, that is a lot of iconic scenes! Keep an eye out for the famous 'Tommy Boy' guarantee quote here too!

11. "I'm gonna go ask directions to our next huge embarrassing failure." -Richard, 'Tommy Boy'.

12. "Paul: Did you eat a lot of paint chips when you were a kid?

Tommy: Why..."

13. "I was checking the ah, specs on the end line, for the... rotary girder." -Tommy, 'Tommy Boy'.

14. "Reporter: Is that why you've strapped a bomb to your chest?

Tommy: Oh this isn't a bomb. These are road flares.

Zalinsky: Road flares? Did you live under power lines as a kid or something?"

15. "I can practically hear you getting fatter." -Richard

16. "I got a D+! I'm gonna graduate!" -Tommy

17. "My whole life sucks! I don't know what I'm doing, I don't know where I'm going. My dad just died, we just killed Bambi, I'm out here getting my butt kicked and every time I drive down the road I wanna jerk the wheel into a god darn bridge abutment!" -Tommy

18. "Okay... seatbelts. Just put the little thing into the big thing and... I tell ya what. If you don't know how to fasten your seatbelt, just raise your hand and I'll have Tommy boy here come back there and hit you in the head with a tack hammer." -Richard

19. "Forget it, I quit, I can't do this anymore, man."-Tommy

Here are some more comic lines including the 'Tommy Boy' housekeeping quote , prehistoric forest 'Tommy Boy' cars quotes, other quotes about the car in 'Tommy Boy' and 'Tommy Boy' chicken wings quotes from the 'Tommy Boy' script. These are some of the best David Spade and best Chris Farley quotes from 'Tommy Boy'.

20. "Richard: I think your brain has a thick candy shell.

Tommy: Your... Your brain has the shell on it."

21. "Kid: Hey Mom! It's the guy who robbed the bank.

Tommy: I didn't rob any bank!

Kid: Oh yeah, right. Like it was some other real fat guy with a tiny head.

Tommy: I got a tiny head?"

22. "Hey if you're going to say I didn't put the right kind in, you're wrong. I used 10-W-30. And besides, motor oil would have nothing to do with this accident." -Tommy

23. "I've seen some crazy stuff in my time, but that... was... awesome. Oh, sorry about your car, man. That... that sucks." -Tommy

24. "Richard: Oh, that sounds good! Melted chocolate inside the dash, that really ups the resale value.

Tommy: I think you'll be okay here, they have a thin candy shell. Surprised you didn't know that."

25. "We're family, we're gonna be doing lots of dumb stuff together. Wait 'til Christmas." -Tommy

26. "Tommy: You know a lot of people go to college for seven years.

Richard: I know. They're called doctors."

27. "I wish we'd known each other... this is a little awkward. I'm gonna graduate!" -Tommy

28. "You spray that thing for bugs?" -Richard

29. "He's a big, dumb animal, isn't he folks?" -Richard

The 'Tommy Boy' sales pitch is just one of the many funny Chris Farley 'Tommy Boy' quotes below. We hope you enjoy it, along with a pinch of the best David Spade quotes as Richard from 'Tommy Boy'.

30. "Ya figure you put that little box under your pillow at night, the guarantee fairy might come by and leave a quarter, am I right Ted?” -Tommy

31. "Your dad could sell a ketchup popsicle to a woman in white gloves."-Richard

32. "That's nice, you look like a Helen. Helen, we're both in sales. Let me tell you why I suck as a salesman." -Tommy

33. "Tommy: Richard do I have a mark on my face? It really hurts.

Richard: Nope, nothing... I thought I hit you on the shoulder."

34. "But for now, for your customer’s sake, for your daughter’s sake, ya might wanna think about buying a quality product from me."-Tommy

35. "Tommy: Um, we don't take no prisoners.

Richard: We don't take no for answer."

36. "I killed my sale. That's when I blow it. That's when people like us gotta forge ahead, Helen, am I right?"-Tommy

37. Tommy: Right here. Not here… or here so much… but right here.

Richard: No. Shipshape!"

38. "Oh yeah... We don't take no for answer! We don't take no for an answer"-Tommy

Here are a special bunch of hilarious quotes by both Tommy Boy and Richard that'll have you in splits of laughter.

39. "That's gonna leave a mark."-Tommy

40. "He's a big, dumb animal, isn't he folks?"-Richard

41. "Ray Zalinsky: Went a little heavy on the pine tree perfume there, kid?

Tommy: Sir it's a taxicab air freshener.

Ray Zalinsky: Good, you've pinpointed it. Step two is washing it out."

42. "You better pray to the God of skinny punks that this wind doesn't pick up." -Tommy

43. "Okay, and life preservers, these... we may need. Although what are the odds of us actually hitting a lake? My money says if anything, it's gonna be a mountain."-Richard

44. “Marty, find out where the police are going to be taking him. Send over a bottle of bubbly with a bucket of ice and a card. Have it say: Tough break, get drunk on me. Use the bucket to ice down your marbles, Yours, Z.” - Ray Zalinsky

45. “Are you talking?”- Richard Hayden

46. “Ow, That’s gonna leave a mark.”- Tommy Callahan

47. “Richard, were you watching ‘spanktrovision’?”- Tommy Callahan

48. “Him too afraid to get out. He just a little guy!”- Tommy Callahan

49. “I’m gonna go ask directions to our next huge, embarrassing failure.”- Richard Hayden

50. “Get yourself a new map.”- Gas Station Employee

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Divya Raghav Bachelor of Commerce specializing in Accounting and Finance, Master of Business Administration

With a diverse range of experience in finance, administration, and operations, Divya is a diligent worker known for her attention to detail. Born and raised in Bangalore, she completed her Bachelor's in Commerce from Christ University and is now pursuing an MBA at Narsee Monjee Institute of Management Studies, Bangalore. Along with her professional pursuits, Divya has a passion for baking, dancing, and writing content. She is also an avid animal lover who dedicates her time to volunteering for animal welfare causes.

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2) At Kidadl, we strive to recommend the very best activities and events. We will always aim to give you accurate information at the date of publication - however, information does change, so it’s important you do your own research, double-check and make the decision that is right for your family. We recognise that not all activities and ideas are appropriate for all children and families or in all circumstances. Our recommended activities are based on age but these are a guide. We recommend that these ideas are used as inspiration, that ideas are undertaken with appropriate adult supervision, and that each adult uses their own discretion and knowledge of their children to consider the safety and suitability. Kidadl cannot accept liability for the execution of these ideas, and parental supervision is advised at all times, as safety is paramount. Anyone using the information provided by Kidadl does so at their own risk and we can not accept liability if things go wrong.

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Fat Guy in a Little Coat

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The Most Hilarious 'Tommy Boy' Quotes

Welcome to our dive into the world of laughter and unforgettable one-liners with Tommy Boy , the iconic comedy film starring the dynamic duo of Chris Farley and David Spade. Released in 1995, Tommy Boy has not only cemented its place as a classic in the comedy genre but has also left us with a treasure trove of quotes that continue to tickle our funny bones decades later.

In this post, we're going to explore some of the most hilarious quotes from Tommy Boy . Whether you're a long-time fan or a newcomer to the antics of the lovable yet clumsy Tommy Callahan (played by Farley) and the sarcastic, quick-witted Richard Hayden (played by Spade), these quotes are sure to bring a smile to your face. From Tommy's innocent misunderstandings to Richard's biting retorts, Tommy Boy delivers a comedy experience that is as heartwarming as it is humorous.

So, get ready to laugh out loud as we revisit the most memorable and hilarious lines from Tommy Boy . These quotes not only encapsulate the unique chemistry between Farley and Spade but also highlight the film's ability to blend slapstick humor with a touch of heart. Whether you're looking for a pick-me-up or just a good chuckle, the unforgettable one-liners from Tommy Boy are sure to do the trick.

The Butcher's Word

Tommy Callahan: I can get a good look at a T-bone by sticking my head up a bull's a**, but I'd rather take a butcher's word for it.

Tommy Callahan: Richard? Is this your coat?

Richard Hayden: Don't do it.

Tommy Callahan: Fat guy in a little coat. Fat guy in a little coat.

Richard Hayden: Don't

Tommy Callahan: [Singing] Fat guy in a little coat. / Fat guy in a little coat.

Richard Hayden: Take it off, d*ckhead, I'm serious!

The Guarantee Fairy

Tommy Callahan: Let's think about this for a sec, Ted. Why would somebody put a guarantee on a box? Hmmm, very interesting.

Ted Nelson: Go on, I'm listening.

Tommy Callahan: Here's the way I see it, Ted. Guy puts a fancy guarantee on a box 'cause he wants you to feel all warm and toasty inside.

Ted Nelson: Yeah, makes a man feel good.

Tommy Callahan: 'Course it does. Why shouldn't it? Ya figure you put that little box under your pillow at night, the Guarantee Fairy might come by and leave a quarter, am I right, Ted?

Make Me Look Fat

Tommy Callahan: Does this suit make me look fat?

Richard Hayden:  No, your face does.

Paint Chips

Paul: Did you eat a lot of paint chips when you were a kid?

Tommy Callahan: [Laughs] Why?

My Little Spiel

Richard Hayden:  Okay, folks, the guy in front of you is Tommy. He'll be taking you through my little spiel here. Tommy is a Scorpio, he likes biking, and he's never been laid. Exits, okay, there's one back here, and there's uh, probably one over by the wing somewhere, usually. And what about seatbelts? To fasten, take the little end stick it in the big end and... hey, know what? If you guys don't know how to use a seat belt, just ring your call button, and Tommy will come back there and hit you over the head with a tack hammer because you are a r*tard. Okay, and life preservers, these... we may need. Although what are the odds of us actually hitting a lake? My money says if anything, it's gonna be a mountain.

They're Called Doctors

Tommy Callahan: Did you hear I finally graduated?

Richard Hayden: Yeah, and just a shade under a decade too. All right.

Tommy Callahan: You know a lot of people go to college for seven years.

Richard Hayden: I know, they're called doctors.

It's Called Reading

Richard Hayden: It's called reading! Top to bottom, left to right... a group of words together is called a sentence. Take Tylenol for any headaches... Midol for any cramps.

Tommy Callahan:  Bees! Bees! Bees in the car! Bees everywhere! God, they're huge and they're sting crazy! They're ripping my flesh off! Run away, your firearms are useless against them!

Brothers Gotta Hug

Tommy Callahan: Brothers don't shake hands. Brothers gotta hug.

That's Gonna Leave a Mark

Tommy Callahan:  Son of a... That's gonna leave a mark.

Big, Dumb Animal

Richard Hayden:  He's a big, dumb animal, isn't he folks?

Melted Chocolate

Richard Hayden: Oh, that sounds good! Melted chocolate inside the dash, that really ups the resale value.

Tommy Callahan: I think you'll be okay here, they have a thin candy shell. Surprised you didn't know that.

Richard Hayden: I think your brain has a thick candy shell.

Tommy Callahan: Your... your brain has the, the shell on it.

Richard Hayden: Are you talking?

Tommy Callahan: Shut up, Richard.

Holy Schnikes!

Tommy Callahan: Holy schnikes!

The God of Skinny Punks

Tommy Callahan:  You better pray to the god of skinny punks that this wind doesn't pick up, 'cause I'll come over there, and jam an oar up your a**.

Picking Up Your Sarcasm

Gas Station Employee: I'm starting to picking up your sarcasm.

Richard Hayden: Well, I should hope so, because I'm laying it on pretty thick.

Lost My Virginity

Tommy Callahan:  R.T. I lost my virginity to your daughter for crying out loud... Rob, you were there.

Tommy Callahan: I got a D+! I'm gonna graduate! Give me five!

You Getting Fatter

Richard Hayden:  Ugh! I can actually hear you getting fatter.

Tommy Callahan:  Shut up, Richard!

You Little Spazoids

Michelle Brock: Listen up, you little spazoids! I know where you live and I've seen where you sleep. I swear to everything holy that your mothers will cry when they see what I've done to you!

Bottle of Bubbly

Ray Zalinkski: Marty, find out where the police are going to be taking him. Send over a bottle of bubbly with a bucket of ice and a card. Have it say, "Tough break, get drunk on me. Use the bucket to ice down your marbles, Yours, Z."

Tommy Callahan: Forget it, I quit, I can't do this anymore, man. My head's about to explode. My whole life sucks! I don't know what I'm doing, I don't know where I'm going. My dad just died, we just killed Bambi, I'm out here getting my a** kicked and every time I drive down the road I wanna jerk the wheel into a g*ddamn bridge abutment!

This Human Bomb

Mrs. Nelson: Honey? Look at this human bomb on the news.

Ted Nelson: Huh? Oh yeah, I buy brake pads off him. I thought we were watching cartoons.

Shoes Are Italian

Paul: These shoes are Italian. They're worth more than your life.

• Movie Quotes

The greatest, funniest, and most iconic movie and TV quotes from your all-time favorite comedies (and a few you probably haven’t seen).

35 Tommy Boy Quotes for Everyone Who Needs a Good Laugh

These Tommy Boy quotes prove that this comedy movie is a timeless classic no one will ever get tired of!

This 1995 cult classic was based on the real-life family road trips and adventures of Chris Farley. In fact, this is the movie that made Farley a comedic icon. If you’re a ‘90s kid, there’s a high chance you can quote the most iconic lines from the movie in a heartbeat!

Tommy Boy zooms in on Tommy Callahan’s journey of inheriting his father’s business. The company is on the brink of crumbling down, so Tommy has to step up to save it. Albeit an underachiever, he still wanted to keep the family’s legacy, so he teams up with a snide accountant, Richard Hayden.

This leads to a series of hilarious scenes and interactions unique to Tommy Boy. So, if you’re a fan and want to revisit your favorite scenes, check out this list of the movie’s best quotes below.

And don’t forget to check out these Uncle Buck quotes and Home Alone quotes .

Best Tommy Boy Quotes

1. “Brothers don’t shake hands. Brothers gotta hug.” – Tommy Callahan

2. “Listen up, you little spazoids! I know where you live and I’ve seen where you sleep. I swear to everything holy that your mothers will cry when they see what I’ve done to you!” – Michelle Brock

3. “It’s called reading! Top to bottom, left to right. A group of words together is called a sentence. Take Tylenol for any headaches. Midol for any cramps.” – Richard Hayden

4. Gas Station Employee: “I’m starting to pick up your sarcasm.”

Richard Hayden: “Well, I should hope so, because I’m laying it on pretty thick.”

5. Tommy Callahan: “Did you hear I finally graduated?”

Richard Hayden: “Yeah, and just a shade under a decade too. All right.”

Tommy Callahan: “You know a lot of people go to college for seven years.”

Richard Hayden: “I know, they’re called doctors.”

6. “Bees! Bees! Bees in the car! Bees everywhere! God, they’re huge and they sting crazy! They’re ripping my flesh off! Run away, your firearms are useless against them!” – Tommy Callahan

7. Tommy Callahan: “Let’s think about this for a sec, Ted. Why would somebody put a guarantee on a box? Hmmm, very interesting.”

Ted Nelson: “Go on, I’m listening.”

Tommy Callahan: “Here’s the way I see it, Ted. Guy puts a fancy guarantee on a box ’cause he wants you to feel all warm and toasty inside.”

Ted Nelson: “Yeah, makes a man feel good.”

Tommy Callahan: “’Course it does. Why shouldn’t it? Ya figure you put that little box under your pillow at night, the Guarantee Fairy might come by and leave a quarter, am I right, Ted?”

8. Tommy Callahan: “Does this suit make me look fat?”

Richard Hayden: “No, your face does.”

9. “Forget it. I quit. I can’t do this anymore, man. My head’s about to explode. My whole life sucks! I don’t know what I’m doing, I don’t know where I’m going. My dad just died, we just killed Bambi, I’m out here getting my ass kicked and every time I drive down the road I wanna jerk the wheel into a goddamn bridge abutment!” – Tommy Callahan

Funny Tommy Boy Quotes That You Won’t Get Enough Of

10. “I lost my virginity to your daughter for crying out loud. Rob, you were there.” – Tommy Callahan

11. “Marty, find out where the police are going to be taking him. Send over a bottle of bubbly with a bucket of ice and a card. Have it say, ‘Tough break, get drunk on me. Use the bucket to ice down your marbles, Yours, Z.’” – Ray Zalinsky

12. “I can get a good look at a T-bone by sticking my head up a bull’s ass, but I’d rather take a butcher’s word for it.” – Tommy Callahan

13. Richard Hayden: “Oh, that sounds good! Melted chocolate inside the dash―that really ups the resale value.”

Tommy Callahan: “I think you’ll be okay here, they have a thin candy shell. Surprised you didn’t know that.”

Richard Hayden: “I think your brain has a thick candy shell.”

Tommy Callahan: “Your―your brain has the―the shell on it.”

Richard Hayden: “Are you talking?”

Tommy Callahan: “Shut up, Richard.”

14. “You better pray to the god of skinny punks that this wind doesn’t pick up, ’cause I’ll come over there, and jam an oar up your ass.” – Tommy Callahan

15. “Truth is, I make car parts for the American working man because I’m a hell of a salesman and he doesn’t know any better.” – Ray Zalinsky

16. Paul Barish: “Did you eat a lot of paint chips when you were a kid?”

Tommy Callahan: “Why?”

17. “Okay, folks, the guy in front of you is Tommy. He’ll be taking you through my little spiel here. Tommy is a Scorpio, he likes biking, and he’s never been laid. Exits, okay, there’s one back here, and there’s uh, probably one over by the wing somewhere, usually. And what about seat belts? To fasten, take the little end, stick it in the big end, and―hey, know what? If you guys don’t know how to use a seat belt, just ring your call button, and Tommy will come back there and hit you over the head with a tack hammer because you are a retard. Okay, and life preservers, these―we may need. Although what are the odds of us actually hitting a lake? My money says if anything, it’s gonna be a mountain.” – Richard Hayden

Short Tommy Boy Quotes That Will Forever Be Iconic

18. “That’s gonna leave a mark.” – Tommy Callahan

19. “Fat guy in a little coat. Fat guy in a little coat.” – Tommy Callahan

20. “He’s a big, dumb animal, isn’t he folks?” – Richard Hayden

21. “I’d rather take a butcher’s word for it.” – Tommy Callahan

22. “These shoes are Italian. They’re worth more than your life.” – Paul Barish

23. “Ugh! I can actually hear you getting fatter.” – Richard Hayden

24. “I got a D+! I’m gonna graduate! Give me five!” – Tommy Callahan

25. “Look mommy, the rhino’s getting too close to the car.” – Richard Hayden

26. “Big day tomorrow. Hope we can keep this momentum going.” – Tommy Callahan

Tommy Boy Quotes for Fans of Comedy and Adventure Movies

27. “Some of us are leaving, and that is sad, but this isn’t the end. No way. We’re gonna show this world a thing or two.” – Tommy Callahan

28. Tommy Callahan: “Him too afraid to get out, him just a little guy.”

Richard Hayden: “All right, that’s it, fat boy, I’m gonna wail on you.”

29. Tommy Callahan: “Um, we don’t take no prisoners.”

Richard Hayden: “We don’t take no for an answer.”

30. Reporter: “Is that why you’ve strapped a bomb to your chest?”

Tommy Callahan: “Oh this isn’t a bomb. These are road flares.”

Ray Zalinsky: “Road flares? Did you live under power lines as a kid or something?”

More Tommy Boy Quotes to Keep In Your Heart

31. “If I wanted a kiss, I’d call your mother!” – Tommy Callahan

32. Tommy Callahan: “Richard do I have a mark on my face? It really hurts.”

Richard Hayden: “Nope, nothing. I thought I hit you on the shoulder.”

33. Ray Zalinsky: “Went a little heavy on the pine tree perfume there, kid?”

Tommy Callahan: “Sir it’s a taxicab air freshener.”

34. Richard Hayden: “Late again Tommy?”

Tommy Callahan: “Shut up, Richard!”

35. “How do you know the guaranteed fairy isn’t some crazy glue sniffer? He sneaks into your house once and that’s all it takes. Next thing you know, there is money missing off your dresser and your daughter is knocked up! I’ve seen it a hundred times.” – Tommy Callahan

Do You Have a Special Place in Your Heart for Tommy Boy?

Tommy Boy is your typical comedy movie that will make your belly ache with all the laughter. However, it also helps us understand that people can sometimes save the day through their hilarious and seemingly irrelevant antics.

Because of his personality, Tommy was able to build good relationships with a lot of different people. This is especially important because, after all, the nature of the business he’s trying to save is sales. In this kind of business, what one has to focus on more is the customer—the people—and not the product per se.

Tommy Callahan also teaches us the value of not giving up on the first try. No one will be able to build a business empire in one go; one must have to travel down a long road filled with rejection before reaching the end.

So, albeit a comedy, Tommy Boy is a classic packed with many lessons we can apply in life and business. Read this list of quotes again when you need to pick up on some funny but valuable pieces of advice!

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Karen Danao

Hi, I’m Karen , a content curator and writer for Quote Ambition; I’m also a marketing and advertising professional. Beyond the keyboard and the screen, I’m someone who’s out to enjoy every bit that life has to offer!

Poetry, philosophy, history, and movies are all topics I love writing about! However, my true passion is in traveling, photography, and finding common ground to which everyone from different cultures can relate.

With the many places I’ve been to, I found that love, inspiration, and happiness are some things that bring people together. No matter how different we are on the outside, I’m a true believer that our emotions don’t lie; if you dig deep into our psyche, we’re all the same inside.

This belief was further amplified when I joined Quote Ambition. Through the quotes I’ve read, collected, organized, and written about, I found that humans are resilient, creative, and compassionate.

We take from each others’ hearts and courage, and it’s through our individual experiences that we learn how to rise above our challenges and pain. In so many ways, Quote Ambition is a platform that allows people from all over the world to gain the inspiration they need anytime, anywhere!

You can find me on MuckRack and LinkedIn .

Tommy Boy is a 1995 film about an incompetent, immature, and dimwitted son of an auto parts magnate who has had everything handed to him in life. After the death of his father, the goof-off learns his father's business is in serious trouble, and he must seek the aid of an executive who had to earn his status the hard way in order to sell his company's merchandise, or else his business will go bankrupt and many people in town will lose their livelihoods.

• 1 Tommy Callahan
• 2 Richard Hayden
• 6 External links

Tommy Callahan [ edit ]

• [ repeated line ] Son of a... That's gonna leave a mark.
• [ repeated line ] Holy schnikes!
• [ repeated line ] Shut up, Richard!
• Some of us are leaving, and that is sad, but this isn't the end. No way. We're gonna show this world a thing or two. We're going to show... [ passes out ]
• Professor posts final exam results Sorry, pardon me. Can I just check this out? D-plus? Oh, my god. I passed! I passed! Oh, man! I got a D-Plus! hugs a student standing next to him I'm going to graduate! I wish we'd known each other. This is a little awkward.
• Brothers don't shake hands, brothers gotta hug!
• [Singing, in an attempt to cheer up Richard] Fat guy in a little coat! Fat guy in a little coat!
• [During first day in his Father's brake pad division] I was just checking the specs on the endline for the...rotary...girder... I'm retarded.
• Were you watching Spanktravision? Maybe you were watching a movie with that funny comedian. Oh, what's his name? Buddy... Whack-it ?
• What my associate is trying to say is that, uh, our new brake pads are really cool. You're not even going to believe it. Like, um, let's say you're driving along the road with your family. And you're driving along la li la. And then, all of the sudden there's a truck tire in the middle of the road. And you hit the brakes. Err! Whoa, that was close. Now let's see what happens when you're driving with the 'other guy's' brake pads. You're driving along. You're driving along and all of the sudden the kids are yelling from the backseat, 'I got to go to the bathroom, daddy!', 'Not now, damn it!', truck tire, eeeee, 'I can't stop!'. Help! There's a cliff! Aah! And your family's screaming 'Oh my god, we're burning alive!' 'No! I can't feel my legs!'. In comes the meat wagon. And the medic gets out and says, 'Oh, my god.'. New guy's in the corner puking his guts out. All because... you want to save a couple of extra pennies. To me, it doesn't...
• [During the pretend "bee" attack] Bees! Bees! Bees in the car! Bees everywhere! God, they're huge and they're sting crazy! They're ripping my flesh off! Run away, your firearms are useless against them!
• If I wanted a kiss, I would've called your mother.
• Not here, or here so much... but right 'here'.
• Richard, who's your favorite little rascal? Alfalfa, or is it Spanky ? Sinner.
• Forget it, I quit, I can't do this anymore, man. My head's about to explode. My whole life sucks. I don't know what I'm doing, I don't know where I'm going. My dad just died. We just killed Bambi. I'm out here getting my ass kicked and every time I drive down the road I wanna jerk the wheel INTO A GODDAMNED BRIDGE ABUTMENT!
• You better pray to the god of skinny punks that this wind doesn't pick up, cuz I'll come over there and jam an oar up your ass!
• [Sitting on a park bench with Richard] Boy this is the worst. My so called "family" deserts me. Michelle's mad at me. I've lost the factory, the town's going under and I'm out of a job. [Bench collapses under him] ...Could've done without that.
• R.T. I lost my virginity to your daughter for crying out loud..........Rob, you were there.

Richard Hayden [ edit ]

• [After watching Tommy wolf down fries and squirt ketchup into his mouth] Ugh! I can actually hear you getting fatter .
• It's called reading, you know, top to bottom, left to right. A group of words together is called a sentence. Take Tylenol for any headaches, Midol for any cramps.
• It's the next town, tons-of-fun. It's got to be there. Okay, where's Moron? [points to Tommy] Okay, Moron's here, so McKeesport...
• Okay, folks, the guy in front of you is Tommy. He'll be taking you through my little spiel here. Tommy is a Scorpio, he likes biking, and he's never been laid. Exits, okay, there's one back here, and there's uh, probably one over by the wing somewhere, usually. And what about seatbelts? To fasten, take the little end stick it in the big end and... hey, know what? If you guys don't know how to use a seat belt, just ring your call button, and Tommy will come back there and hit you over the head with a tack hammer because you are a retard. Okay, and life preservers, these... we may need. Although what are the odds of us actually hitting a lake? My money says if anything, it's gonna be a mountain.
• He's a big, dumb animal, isn't he folks?
• Ugh, why do you always have to de-turd these things? Look at this one, caught him after Thanksgiving feast, I think I'm gonna need a pooperscooper.
• Ugh, I just barfed on an anthill. Cool. Ugh, I think they're pissed.

Others [ edit ]

• Big Tom Callahan : Of course, I can get a good look at a T-Bone steak by sticking my head up a bull's ass, but I'd rather take the butcher's word for it.
• Quit playing with your dinghy.
• Michelle Brock : Listen up, you little spazoids! I know where you live and I've seen where you sleep. I swear to everything holy that your mothers will cry when they see what I've done to you!
• Ray Zalinkski : Marty, find out where the police are going to be taking him. Send over a bottle of bubbly with a bucket of ice and a card. Have it say, "Tough break, get drunk on me. Use the bucket to ice down your marbles, Yours, Z."
• Hey you ain’t moving!
• No you need to drop a couple hundred pounds Blimp!
• Hey Gilligan, did you eat the skipper?!
• Hey lady, there's a fat whale on your boat! ya, free willy
• Your sail is limp, like your dick!
• Cow Farmer : Hey! Get off my property!

Dialogue [ edit ]

[ Tommy grabs his luggage, which is all his stuff in a black trash bag ]

Cast [ edit ]

• Chris Farley - Thomas R. "Tommy" Callahan III
• David Spade - Richard Hayden
• Brian Dennehy - Thomas R. "Big Tom" Callahan, Jr.
• Bo Derek - Beverly Barish, aka Beverly Burns
• Rob Lowe - Paul Barish
• Dan Aykroyd - Ray Zalinsky
• Julie Warner - Michelle Brock
• Sean McCann - Frank Rittenhauer
• Zach Grenier - Ted Reilly

External links [ edit ]

• Tommy Boy quotes at the Internet Movie Database
• Tommy Boy at Rotten Tomatoes

• Road comedy films
• Films directed by Peter Segal
• Films set in Ohio
• Buddy films

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20 ‘Tommy Boy’ Quotes You Should Still be Using in Everyday Conversation

by Howie Decker @HowardTheDeck on November 29, 2018

in Lists , Movies

With  Tommy Boy turning 20 years old this March, there’s no better time to take a look at one of the most quotable movies of our time. Tommy Boy’s  most repeatable lines have aged finely over the last two decades and have taken their place alongside Caddyshack and Ferris Bueller  quotes at corporate gatherings and social situations everywhere.

Here are 20 Tommy Boy quotes you should be using in everyday conversation:

“Are you talking?”

Practical Application: Limitless. If you drop an “Are you talking?” on anyone in any conversation or situation, you win.

“Him too afraid to get out. He just a little guy!”

The clip below is rife is quotable lines like “It’s go time!” and “Look mommy, the rhino’s getting too close to the car!”, but the mass everyday quotability begins around the 1:30 mark.

Practical Application: “He just a wittle guy” is excellent verbiage for calling out your friend who’s afraid to make a move on that special someone, or your coworker who’s afraid to ask for that raise they deserve. Bonus points for the baby talk delivery method.

“If I wanted a kiss, I’d call your mother!”

[see ‘Go Time!’ clip above]

Practical Application:  This is top shelf trash talk. Use at your discretion.

“Brothers don’t shake hands. Brothers gotta hug.”

Practical Application:  Perfect verbal accompaniment to any greeting that warrants a physical gesture greater than a handshake.

Bonus fun: Pretend the character above is “Con artist Rob Lowe”, and “he has cable.”

“Did I catch a ‘niner’ in there?”

Practical Application:  When someone trails off in conversation, or mumbles important information.

“I can get a good look at a T-bone by sticking my head up a bull’s ass, but I’d rather take a butcher’s word for it.”

“Hey, I’ll tell you what. You can get a good look at a butcher’s ass by sticking your head up there. But, wouldn’t you rather to take his word for it?”

And perhaps Tommy Boy’s most quotable line: “No wait, it’s gotta be your bull.”

Practical Application: Any time general confusion has pervaded the situation. “No wait, it’s gotta be your bull” has become my verbal ‘back out of the room casually’ when all decorum is lost.

“Housekeeping. You want mint for pillow?”

Practical Application:  Use liberally every time you knock on a door anywhere. Also feel free to use “Need sleepie” when necessary, particularly in homes with small children.

“Ugh, I can actually hear you getting fatter.”

Practical Application:  You know when to use this one. I hope you also know when to turn your phone on its side when recording videos of classic movie scenes off of your television.

“Not here… and not here so much… but right here.”

Practical Application: Spice up any situation that involves proximity or the approximation of general whereabouts with this classic Tommy line.

“Yeah, and just a shade under a decade too. Allriiight.”

Practical Application: When someone   has taken more than what society has agreed upon as a reasonable amount of time to complete any task or objective. Feel free to deploy this line with or without David Spade’s very McConaughey-ish “allriiight” tacked on the end.

“Did you eat a lot of paint chips when you were a kid?”

Practical Application:  Capitalize on your friend’s next colossal brain fart or shameful gas station dance with this fun barb.

“What’d you do?”

Practical Application: A comically incredulous “What’d you do?” is best practice for eluding the blame for absolutely anything.

“I’m gonna go get directions to our next huge embarrassing failure.”

“Get yourself a new map.”

[Regarding sarcasm]: “Well, I should hope so, because I’m laying it on pretty thick.”

Practical Application:  Limitless applications for all three.

“Do you know where the weight room is? I’ll check it out.”

Practical Application:  This particular gem has maximum effect when delivered by someone who by all appearances would never actually be looking for the weight room. Like when I used to take my shirt off and ask “Which way to the beach?”.

“Fat guy in a liiittle coat. Fat guy in a little coooat.”

Practical Application: I don’t think I’ve put on an undersized garment of any kind, intentionally or otherwise, in the last 20 years and NOT sang “fat guy in a little coat”. This is the line that everyone knows whether they’ve seen Tommy Boy or not. Your gammy does “fat guy in a little coat” when she tries to squeeze into that housecoat from 1979. Every person that’s taken a scuba lesson in the last two decades has done “fat guy in a little coat” as they geared up to go diving.

“Richard, were you watching ‘spanktrovision’?”

Practical Application: When you happen upon someone who might’ve been doing something.. private? OK, this one might not be an “everyday conversation” thing, unless you’re in college.

“La-la-la-loo-loo… Luuuke… Luuuke! I am your fah-ther! La-la-lay-lu…”

Practical Application:  Try to be near a running box/oscillating/desk fan and not do this.

“That’s gonna leave a mark.”

Practical Application:  “That’s gonna leave a mark” is inarguably the most graceful bow you can put on any embarrassing physical blunder. Use as needed.

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When someone walks passed me wearing heavy cologne, I still say “Whoa, went a little heavy on the pine tree perfume did ya?”

I still use almost all of these quotes. Tommy Boy is such a great movie with so many great quotes and scenes.

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"Tommy Boy" Movie Quotes

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Tommy Boy has many funny moments. Be it Tommy's dumb efforts at sales or Richard's sarcastic comments, the movie will have you in splits. These Tommy Boy movie quotes display the love-hate relationship between Tommy and Richard. Indeed, Chris Farley and David Spade make an ideal comic team.

Richard Hayden

You're right! You're not your dad! He could sell a ketchup Popsicle to a woman in white gloves!

I think your brain has a thick candy shell.

We don't take no for an answer.

You have a window. And why shouldn't you? You've been here 10 minutes.

Try an association. Like uh... let's say the average person uses 10% of their brain. How much do you use? One and a half percent. The rest is clogged with malted hops and bong resin.

I'm gonna go get directions to our next huge embarrassing failure.

Ok, here is Tommy, he's gonna help me with my little spiel here. Tommy is a Scorpio, he likes biking and he's never been laid.

Forget it, I quit, I can't do this anymore, man. My head's about to explode. My whole life sucks. I don't know what I'm doing... I don't know where I'm going. My dad just died. We just killed Bambi. I'm out here getting my ass kicked and every time I drive down the road. I wanna jerk the wheel INTO A GODDAMNED BRIDGE EMBANKMENT.

Hey, if you want me to take a dump in a box and mark it guaranteed... I will. I got spare time. But for now, for your customer's sake, for your daughter's sake, ya might wanna think about buying a quality product from me.

Uuuuuuh! I killed it. I killed my sale. That's when I blow it. That's when people like us gotta forge ahead, Helen, am I right?

I swear I've seen a lot of stuff in my life, but that was... awesome . But sorry about your car, man. That... That sucks.

They were closed. How could you be reading documents when they're in your briefcase? Hmm, that's a mystery. Richard, were you watching spanktrovision?

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Tommy Boy Script - Dialogue Transcript

Tommy Boy (1995)

Chris farley: tommy.

• Photos (94)
• Quotes (78)

Photos 

Quotes 

[saying it correctly] 

Tommy : I can get a good look at a T-bone by sticking my head up a bull's ass, but I'd rather take a butcher's word for it.

Tommy : Let's think about this for a sec, Ted. Why would somebody put a guarantee on a box? Hmmm, very interesting.

Ted Nelson, Customer : Go on, I'm listening.

Tommy : Here's the way I see it, Ted. Guy puts a fancy guarantee on a box 'cause he wants you to feel all warm and toasty inside.

Ted Nelson, Customer : Yeah, makes a man feel good.

Tommy : 'Course it does. Why shouldn't it? Ya figure you put that little box under your pillow at night, the Guarantee Fairy might come by and leave a quarter, am I right, Ted?

[chuckles until he sees that Ted is not laughing] 

Ted Nelson, Customer : [impatiently]  What's your point?

Tommy : The point is, how do you know the fairy isn't a crazy glue sniffer? "Building model airplanes" says the little fairy; well, we're not buying it. He sneaks into your house once, that's all it takes. The next thing you know, there's money missing off the dresser, and your daughter's knocked up. I seen it a hundred times.

Ted Nelson, Customer : But why do they put a guarantee on the box?

Tommy : Because they know all they sold ya was a guaranteed piece of shit. That's all it is, isn't it? Hey, if you want me to take a dump in a box and mark it guaranteed, I will. I got spare time. But for now, for your customer's sake, for your daughter's sake, ya might wanna think about buying a quality product from me.

Ted Nelson, Customer : [pause]  Okay, I'll buy from you.

Tommy : Well, that's...

Tommy , Richard Hayden : ...What?

Tommy : Did you hear I finally graduated?

Richard Hayden : Yeah, and just a shade under a decade too. All right.

Tommy : You know a lot of people go to college for seven years.

Richard Hayden : I know, they're called doctors.

Tommy : Brothers don't shake hands. Brothers gotta hug.

Richard Hayden : Look Mommy, the Rhino's getting too close to the car.

Tommy : Him too afraid to get out, him just a little guy.

Richard Hayden : All right, that's it, fat boy, I'm gonna wail on you.

Tommy : Hey, boys and girls, it's Papa Smurf!

Richard Hayden : You don't want none of me; think it through.

Tommy : Just gimme your best shot.

[Richard Punches him] 

Tommy : That was it? Come on you can do better than that, can't you Captain Limp Wrist? Try again!

[Richard punches him again] 

Tommy : Hey everybody, is there a window open; I feel a draft!

[Richard punches him twice] 

Tommy : If I wanted a kiss, I'd call your mother!

[Richard hits him over the face with a 2×4] 

Tommy : That was a good one.

Richard Hayden : [Richard looks up]  Hey, Prehistoric Forest!

Tommy : Uh, what my associate is trying say is... Our new brake pads are really cool. You're not even gonna believe it. Like, let's say you're driving along the road with your family.

[Picks up model car] 

Tommy : You're drivin' along, la-de-da, woo. All of a sudden there's a truck tire in the middle of the road. And you hit the brakes. EEEEEEEEE! Whoa, that was close. Ha-ha. Now let's see what happens when you're driving with the "other guy's" brake pads. You're drivin' along, you're drivin' along, the kids start shouting from the back seat, "I gotta go to the bathroom, Daddy!" "Not now, damn it!" Truck tire. EEEEEEEE! I CAN'T STOP!

[Slams model car into lighter] 

Tommy : There's a cliff! AAAAAHH! And your family's screaming,

[sets car on fire] 

Tommy : "Oh my God, we're burning alive!" "No! I can't feel my legs!" Here comes the meat wagon.

[Imitates siren] 

Tommy : And the medic gets out and says, "Oh my God". New guy's around the corner puking his guts out.

[Imitates retching] 

Tommy : All because you want to save a couple extra pennies. And to me, it doesn't...

Executive with Toy Cars : Get out. Now!

Tommy : [Richard tries blowing out flaming car]  Do you validate?

Executive with Toy Cars : No!

[Richard's car is destroyed by a deer] 

Richard Hayden : No way that just happened. My car is completely destroyed.

Tommy : I swear I've seen a lot of stuff in my life, but that... was... *awesome*.

[bursts out laughing] 

Tommy : ... but, sorry about your car, man. That... That sucks.

Tommy : [Tommy and Richard are sitting on a park bench after getting kicked out of Salinsky's headquarters]  I thought they were on my side.

Richard Hayden : They figured they had something to gain if the factory was being closed.

Tommy : Boy this is the worst. My so called family deserts me. Michelle's mad at me. I've lost the factory, the town's going under and I'm out of a job.

[the park bench collapses] 

Tommy : Could've done without that.

Tommy : Does this suit make me look fat?

Richard Hayden : No, your face does.

[last lines] 

Tommy : Oh, that's gonna leave a mark!

Tommy : Richard? Is this your coat?

Richard : Don't do it.

Tommy : Fat guy in a little coat. Fat guy in a little coat.

Richard : Don't

Tommy : [singing]  Fat guy in a little coat. / Fat guy in a little coat.

Richard : Take it off, Dickhead, I'm serious!

Tommy : Richard! What's happening?

[coat rips] 

Tommy : Uh oh!

Tommy : I l-left a message.

Richard Hayden : A message? What number did you call?

Tommy : Two, four, niner, five, six, seven...

Richard Hayden : I can't hear you, you're trailing off and did I catch a niner in there? Were you calling from a walkie-talkie?

Tommy : No, it was cordless.

Richard Hayden : You know what? Don't. Not here, not now.

[Richard knocks on the door impersonating the maid while Tommy tries to sleep] 

Richard Hayden : Housekeeping. You want mint for pillow?

Tommy : Please go away let me sleep, *for the love of God.*

Richard Hayden : Housekeeping. You want me to jerk you off?

Tommy : What kind of hotel is this?

[opens door] 

Tommy : Who the hell are... Oh, it's you.

Richard Hayden : Good morning, sunshine.

Richard Hayden : You're right! You're not your dad! He could sell a ketchup Popsicle to a woman in white gloves!

Tommy : Ketchup Popsicle?

Richard Hayden : Yeah. I learned everything I know from him. I didn't have a real father, but you, he was your real dad and yo just took him for granted.

[mocking Tommy] 

Richard Hayden : "Hey I'm big Toms' son, I screw things up, but it's ok my dad will fix everything, so I'm allowed to be a MORON!"

Tommy : Hey, what's your name?

Helen : Helen.

Tommy : That's nice, you look like a Helen. Helen, we're both in sales. Let me tell you why I suck as a sales man. Let's say I go into a guy's office, let's say he's even remotely interested in buying something. Well then I get all excited. I'm like Jojo the idiot circus boy with a pretty new pet.

[Reaches down and picks up a dinner roll] 

Tommy : Now the pet is my possible sale. Hello there pretty little pet, I love you. And then I stoke it, and I pet it, and I massage it. Hehe I love it, I love my little naughty pet.

[Pokes the roll playfully] 

Tommy : You're naughty! And then I take my naughty pet and I go...

[makes ripping noises as he tears apart the roll] 

Tommy : [Wailing loudly, making the whole restaurant look]  Uuuuuuh! I killed it! I killed my sale! And that's when I blow it. That's when people like us have gotta forge ahead, Helen. Am I right?

Helen : God, you're sick.

Tommy : [Tommy comes back into the hotel room unexpectedly, catching Richard spying on a girl swimming topless in the pool with his pants unzipped. Richard immediately dives into bed]  Richard, what were you doing?

Richard Hayden : Um, going over some documents.

Tommy : Well, where are they? Geez, I don't see them!

Richard Hayden : They're... in my briefcase.

Tommy : How can you be reading documents, when they're in your briefcase? Hmm... that's a mystery!

Richard Hayden : [Rolls over to go to sleep]  Ok then, let's hit it.

Tommy : Richard! Were you watching, "Spank-tra-vision?" Maybe you were watching a movie with that funny comedian! Oh, whats his name? Buddy... Whackett?

Richard Hayden : Ok, let's get some shut-eye.

Tommy : [Looks out the window]  Say! That's a pretty girl down there!

Richard Hayden : Good for her.

Tommy : Gee, I wonder if she goes out with one of the Yankees!

Richard Hayden : Couldn't tell ya.

[Later that night] 

Tommy : Big day tomorrow. Hope we can keep this momentum goin'.

Richard Hayden : Yup. That'd be good.

Tommy : Richard... Who's you're favorite little rascal? Alfalfa? Or is it Spanky?

[Giggles] 

Tommy : Sinner.

Tommy : [Trying to copy his father's quote]  Hey, I'll tell you what. You can get a good look at a butcher's ass by sticking your head up there. But, wouldn't you rather to take his word for it?

Mr. Brady, Customer : [confused]  What? I'm failing to make the connection here.

Tommy : No, I mean is, you can get a good look at a T-bone by sticking your head up a butcher's ass... No, wait. It's gotta be your bull.

Richard : [embarrassed]  Wow.

Paul : Did you eat a lot of paint chips when you were a kid?

Tommy : [laughs]  Why?

[after Tommy has rubbed air freshener on himself] 

Ray Zalinsky : Went a little heavy on the pine tree perfume there, kid?

Tommy : Sir, it's an taxicab air freshener.

Ray Zalinsky : Good, you've pinpointed it. Step two is washing it out.

Tommy : Forget it, I quit, I can't do this anymore, man. My head's about to explode. My whole life sucks! I don't know what I'm doing, I don't know where I'm going. My dad just died, we just killed Bambi, I'm out here getting my ass kicked and every time I drive down the road I wanna jerk the wheel into a Goddamn bridge abutment!

Tommy : [Tommy is stuck in the middle of a lake on a sailboat with no wind. Some kids are mocking him from the shore]  You better pray to the god of skinny punks that this wind doesn't pick up, 'cause I'll come over there, and jam an oar up your ass.

[Richard needs Big Tom to sign some documents] 

Richard Hayden : I need your John Hancock.

[Tommy Boy scoffs] 

Tommy : It's HERBIE Hancock.

Tommy : R.T., I think I figured out the problem. This order is going to Columbus. That's a one-day delivery, but you've got it marked down for two.

R.T., Shipping Foreman : That's because it's going to Columbus, Georgia. Not Columbus, Ohio.

[he shows Tommy the shipping address] 

R.T., Shipping Foreman : You see these letters by the city? That's called a state. What else you got, Wonder Boy?

Tommy : Uh... that's pretty much it for now.

R.T., Shipping Foreman : Hey, Tommy, maybe you should go back to college for another seven years and study a globe.

Richard Hayden : All right, now it's sale time, so remember, we don't take no...?

Tommy : No shit from anyone.

Richard Hayden : No.

Tommy : Um, we don't take no prisoners.

Richard Hayden : We don't take no for answer.

Tommy : Oh yeah... We don't take no for an answer! We don't take no for an answer...

[Tommy and Richard have just finished a presentation] 

'No' Manager : No.

Tommy : Okey-dokey.

Tommy : Gotcha. Thanks.

'No' Manager : [shaking his head 'no']  Mmmm-mmmm.

Tommy : Terrific! Thanks for your time.

Paul : Wait a minute, fat boy. You lost your shares to the bank. You don't even have a right to be here!

Michelle : Gee, it's funny you should bring that up, 'cause I'm not sure that you have the right to be here.

Thomas 'Tommy' Callahan III : Whoa, what have we got here? Oh, my God, it's a Police Report.

Ray Zalinsky : What's all this about?

Thomas 'Tommy' Callahan III : Let's see. "Paul Barrish, married May 1993 to Beverly Barrish aka Beverly Burns". Richard, how could Beverly be married to Paul and my dad at the same time? Interesting!

Richard Hayden : Yes. Provocative.

Thomas 'Tommy' Callahan III : What I think it means is your marriage to my dad was never legal.

Michelle : Which also means that Beverly's shares still belong to Tommy.

[Tommy carelessly set an open bag of M&M's on the dashboard and they immediately pour into an open vent] 

Richard Hayden : Oh that sounds good: melted chocolate inside the dash. That really ups the resale value.

Tommy : I think you'll be okay here, they have a thin candy shell. 'Surprised you didn't know that.

Richard Hayden : I think your brain has a thick candy shell.

Tommy : Your... Your brain has the shell on it.

Richard Hayden : Are you talking?

Tommy : Shut up, Richard.

[Richard and Tommy almost got in a car accident] 

Richard Hayden : Hey... I was just thinking... when we stopped for gas this morning I think it was you who put the oil in.

Tommy : Hey if you're going to say I didn't put the right kind in, you're wrong. I used 10-W-30. And besides, motor oil would have nothing to do with this accident.

Richard Hayden : True. But you can't latch the hood too well, IF YOU DON'T TAKE THE CAN OUT, YOU NO-SELLING WASTE OF SPACE.

[Tommy winces at his mistake] 

Richard Hayden : I swear to God, you're worthless!

Tommy : Richard, who's your favorite little rascal? Alfalfa?... Or is it SPANKY?

[chuckles as Richard covers his face] 

Paul : That's it! I'm not gonna take this.

Richard Hayden : Uh, uh! It's not over yet, Lee Harvey.

Michelle : Let's see... warrants outstanding: New Mexico-Mail Fraud. Colorado-Wire Fraud. And coming soon to Ohio, Computer Fraud.

[Paul makes as if to say something, then makes a break for the door] 

Thomas 'Tommy' Callahan III : [shouts]  Get him!

Ray Zalinsky : Don't let him leave the complex, Marty.

Thomas 'Tommy' Callahan III : [Paul runs into the Zalinsky auto testing center]  Hey, you forgot your wife!

Paul : Screw you! Screw all of you!

[trips over the lever that starts the crash test; car drives fast] 

Paul : Not good.

Ray Zalinsky : Hit the brakes!

Paul : [screaming; car stops abruptly, sends Paul flying into a chair; a huge test bag drops down and smashes his testicles]  Aaahh! Ohhh!

Richard Hayden : Ooh! That will ruin his weekend.

Tommy : Richard, do I have a mark on my face? It really hurts.

Richard Hayden : Nope, nothing. I thought I hit you on the shoulder.

Tommy : My shoulder doesn't hurt very much, but my face does.

[points to huge bruised area on his face] 

Tommy : Right here. Not here or here so much. Right here.

Richard Hayden : Nope. Ship shape! Waitress, can I get that shrimp cocktail I saw in the glass case?

Helen : Yep. And you, what can I get

[pauses and looks at Tommy's face] 

Helen : Jesus, what happened to your face?

Tommy : I knew it!

Kid in Bank : Hey, Mom! It's the guy who robbed the bank.

Tommy : I didn't rob any bank.

Kid in Bank : Oh, yeah, right. Like it was some other real fat guy with a tiny head.

Tommy : I got a tiny head?

[Moments earlier they hit a deer, it's now riding in the back seat of Richard's car] 

Tommy : Where are we gonna take the deer?

Richard Hayden : I dunno, the vet?

Tommy : You take dead animals to the vet?

Richard Hayden : Why not? I'd take you to the vet.

Tommy : Yeah I'll take you to the... Um...

Richard Hayden : Got that?

Tommy : Shut up.

Tommy : Hey, remember your brother Duane? Whatever happened to him? We used to go to Safeway all the time and get caught trying to steal doughnuts.

Michelle : He's a cop. He had to get a real job when my parents moved to Cuyahoga Falls.

Tommy : Wow!

[awkward silence] 

Michelle : [holds up box of Dunkin' Donuts]  Want one?

Tommy : I'd better not. I have what doctors call a little bit of a weight problem. I used to grab bear claws as a kid, two at a time, and I'd get them lodged right in this region here.

[motioning at his stomach] 

Thomas 'Tommy' Callahan III : Holy Schnike!

Richard Hayden : [Tommy manages to convince a waitress to temporarily open the diner kitchen]  Did that board to the head knock something loose?

Tommy : What are you talking about?

Richard Hayden : That 180 you just pulled with the waitress. Why can't you sell like that?

Tommy : I was just having fun. If we didn't get the wings, so what? We still got that meat lover's pizza in the trunk.

Richard Hayden : Hey, you got the wings 'cause you were relaxed, so you had confidence. And that's what it takes to sell; confidence. Your dad had that.

[looking at a piece of shrimp from his plate] 

Richard Hayden : Ugh. Why do you always have to de-turd these things?

Tommy : My dad was smart. I'm not.

Richard Hayden : Very true, but there's two types of smarts: book smarts, which waved bye-bye to you long ago, and there's street smart; the ability to read people. And you know how to do that, just like your dad. He was the best at knowing what people wanted to hear and what people needed to hear. That's what selling is all about. In a way, these people are buying you, not just brake pads.

Tommy : Hey, everybody, it's Tony Robbins. Maybe you're right, Richard.

Richard Hayden : I think I am.

[showing him the shrimp] 

Richard Hayden : Holy lord, look at this guy. Caught him right after Thanksgiving feast.

Tommy : [snickering]  Nice, Richard.

Richard Hayden : God, I need a pooper scooper.

Richard Hayden : [Zalinski turns on a high-powered fan that blows Richard's toupee off]  You tell anyone about this and I will kill you, you understand me?

Tommy : Uh... it looks real!

Tommy : D+?... Oh, my God... I passed! I passed! Oh, man!

[shouting] 

Tommy : I got a D+! I'm gonna graduate!

[hugging a stranger] 

Tommy : I wish we'd known each other... this is a little awkward.

[shouts] 

Tommy : I got a D+! I'm gonna graduate! Give me five!

[as Richard is adjusting Tommy's tie, it comes off] 

Tommy : Heh, heh, heh, it's a clip-on.

Richard Hayden : Heh, heh, heh, are you sure?

Richard Hayden : What is our carrying charge for all the merchandise in the warehouse?

Tommy : Ohhhh, man...

Richard Hayden : One and a...

Tommy : ...half percent. I knew that. Why can't I remember it?

Richard Hayden : Try an association like, uhhh... Let's say the average person uses ten percent of their brain. How much do you use? One and a half percent. The rest is clogged with malted hops and bong resin.

Tommy : [closes the hood of the car after checking the oil]  She's a quart low.

Richard Hayden : Oh, yeah? Then guess what? Open it back up and put it in! That's your penance for the puppet show back there. And while you're at it, fill it up with gas, okay? I'm gonna go ask directions to our next huge embarrassing failure.

Tommy : [mutters]  You're a huge embarrassing failure.

Richard Hayden : What?

Tommy : Nothing.

Tommy : Hey, what's your hurry?

Richard Hayden : You know that thing in the back seat? It's not an air freshener. It's a dead, rotting deer carcass and we gotta take care of it quick. Now, this is one of our oldest customers. We should be in and out.

Tommy : Hey, this sales thing isn't so easy. You can't just go in and out. You gotta finesse 'em a little bit.

Richard Hayden : Hey, by "finesse", do you mean sputtering out sentence fragments and lighting things on fire?

Tommy : No, but it's nice to see you again, Mr. Insult. Say, have you seen Richard anywhere? 'Cause if you do, could you ask him, I mean, since he's so good, if he might want to try selling?

Richard Hayden : Oh, yeah?

Tommy : Yeah.

Richard Hayden : Watch and learn.

Richard Hayden : Hey, why didn't you pump any gas?

Tommy : They're all out. They only got diesel. Better go to the next station.

[after checking a possible scratch, Richard opens the car door, which falls off in his hand] 

Tommy : [having bent it backwards while backing up to the pump]  What'd you do?

Tommy : I'll have chicken wings.

Helen : Kitchen's closed until dinner. We just got cold stuff and desserts.

Tommy : Boy, some chicken wings would really hit the spot. You sure it's closed?

Helen : Let me check.

[she doesn't move, deadpan] 

Helen : Yup, it's closed.

Tommy : Okay. I'll just have a sugar packet or two.

Tommy : How come you don't put the files in the file cabinets?

Michelle : I don't like file cabinets.

Tommy : Why not?

Michelle : You have to open them. I've got my own system; hasn't failed me yet. All the shipping orders go through me, which means I spend about half of my pathetically anal life in here. So if I couldn't do things my own way, I'd probably freak out and blow up the whole town.

Tommy : [They pull up by a tree]  Lord I never had to tinkle so bad in all my life.

[Richard begins driving away] 

Tommy : What the? Oh Richard you're a riot. Stop the car. Son of a. What the hell's gotten into you? My thing got stuck in my zipper and I got piss all over my pants.

Michelle : I saw your step mom and your step brother and he was kissing her.

Tommy : So?

Michelle : With his tongue.

Tommy , Richard : UGH.

Richard : He's doing his mommy?

Richard Hayden : [after Tommy explodes in a client's office]  That guy may not call us.

Tommy : I can't believe he called me a psycho.

Richard Hayden : Hey, were you in there just now? You are a psycho... Good God. And comb your hair.

[repeated line] 

Thomas 'Tommy' Callahan III : Shut Up Richard.

Tommy : [after watching Ray Zalinski car commercial]  Hmmm. He seems like a nice guy.

Richard Hayden : This is the guy trying to buy the company, not to mention put you out on the street, and all you can say is,

[sarcastically] 

Richard Hayden : "Hmmm, he seems like a nice guy!"

Tommy : [admiring his new office]  Hey, there's even a fridge! You could put six packs of be...

[glances at his dad] 

Tommy : ... soda in here...

Richard Hayden : What did I say about eating in the car anyways?

Tommy : It's not good cause it spoils your dinner?

[Tommy has a fake bomb strapped to himself] 

Nicole Taylor, Action 8 News : Is that why you've strapped a bomb to your chest?

Thomas 'Tommy' Callahan III : Oh, this isn't a bomb. These are road flares.

Ray Zalinsky : Road flares? Did you live under power lines as a kid, or something?

Thomas 'Tommy' Callahan III : Ha ha ha, why?

Big Tom : Don't tell me the bank thinks we need to wait it out. Any business that tries to wait it out will be just that: out. In auto parts, you're either growing or you're dying. There ain't no third direction.

Ron Gilmore : Tom, you're talking about a huge loan. Maybe instead of borrowing, you should take on a partner.

Big Tom : No, this always has been, always will be a family firm. My grandfather founded it in '21. My father kept it running during the Depression. My Aunt Eileen ran it when he went away to war, and someday, my son will run it.

Tommy : Hi, Dad.

Tommy : [trying to read a map]  I don't see any McKeesport.

Richard Hayden : It's the next town, tons of fun. It's got to be there. Okay, where's Moron?

[putting his finger in Tommy's face] 

Richard Hayden : Okay, Moron's here, so McKeesport...

[unknown to them, a deer walks out into the middle of the road] 

Richard Hayden : Yeah, look, Magellan, we're at this wrinkle here...

Tommy : DEER!

Ted Nelson, Customer : I like your line and I like your prices, but there's a problem. There's no guarantee on the box.

Tommy : Heck, if something breaks down, you can call me, even if I'm home watching TV.

Richard Hayden : Callahan has guaranteed every part sold since 1925.

Ted Nelson, Customer : Maybe so, but it's not on the box. It should always be on the box, comforting you, calling out "I'm good. I'll never let you down. But if I do, I'm going to make things all better."

Richard Hayden : Our brake pads are made with a noncorrosive polyplating...

Ted Nelson, Customer : Son, if you're not talking about a guarantee, skip it. My customers need to see that little label looking them right in the eye.

Tommy : Hey, you can get a good look at your butcher...

Richard Hayden : [stopping him]  No.

Ted Nelson, Customer : What?

Richard Hayden : Remember, chicken wings.

Tommy : Chicken wings? All right, you want to talk about guarantees, then...

Ted Nelson, Customer : Fellas, you just ran out of time.

Tommy : [remembering their conversation at the diner]  Chicken wings.

Tommy : It's so cool that you're getting married Saturday. So, where'd you guys meet?

Big Tom : [giving Beverly a glass of champagne]  Ah, here you go, sweetheart. Uh, we met at the fat farm, spa, resort thing. Beverly was one of the trainers. In fact, she was the only one of the trainers I didn't wanna plant six feet under a lettuce patch.

Richard Hayden : [seeing cops hurrying around]  Wow, what's goin' on out here?

Tommy : [trying to be cool]  Walk slow.

Richard Hayden : Okay. Why?

Richard Hayden : Am I consorting with a known felon?

Tommy : Ray, we're not looking for a handout here. I'm offering you a great deal. This is an order for half a million Callahan brake pads to be sold in your stores; made by the American working man for the American working man.

Ray Zalinsky : Well... absolutely! It would be my great pleasure. I mean, what have I got to lose? A great American product, right?

R.T., Shipping Foreman : [watching on TV]  I don't believe it. Tommy just sold half a million brake pads.

Louis, Factory Worker : Tommy just sold a half a million brake pads!

Tommy : Hey, what is this thing?

Louis, Factory Worker : It's a buffer. I take all the small pieces that need smoothing and give'em a zap.

Tommy : Cool, can I try?

Louis, Factory Worker : Sure, give'er!

[Tommy grinds a part with the buffer, it slips out of his hands and the wheel sends it flying across the factory] 

Louis, Factory Worker : Nice distance!

[Tommy is stuck in the middle of a lake on a sailboat with no wind. He looks up to the sky to talk to his Dad] 

Tommy : Dad, we got a little problem here. I've been stuck out here for an hour with no wind again. I'm supposed to be at Michelle's for dinner.

[laughs] 

Tommy : So, if you could give me a little help, I would appreciate it. If not, don't worry about it. I'm trying to do everything I think you would be doing. And so far it's going pretty good. I just want to tell you that I still love you and I sure miss you a lot.

[the wind appears] 

Tommy : Hey, thanks Dad!

[Tommy gets hit in the head with the mainsail] 

Tommy : Oh! Son-of-a! That's gonna leave a mark!

Richard Hayden : You have de-railed...

Tommy : Shut up Richard!

Tommy : Look at 'em there, pretty maids all in a row. I want the one on the left; she's perfect. Which one d'you want? Huh, huh, huh?... Alright.

Paul : Does it make a difference?

Tommy : Oh yeah. Wait a second. Is this your first time?

Paul : Yeah Tommy, it is.

Tommy : God, you're gonna remember this the rest of your life. Can't believe you've never been cow tipping before. Get ready to live. Huh, huh, huh, ssshhhh. She's sleepin'. What you do is, you put your shoulder into her and you push.

Paul : And?

Tommy : They fall over, hee, hee, hee.

Paul : And this doesn't strike you as kinda' dumb?

Tommy : We're family, we're gonna be doing lots of dumb stuff together. Wait 'til Christmas.

[Tommy sees a pretty woman. Richard is watching from his window] 

Richard Hayden : Scram Tommy. Don't give her the weight room thing.

[Tommy approaches her acting muscular and buff] 

Tommy : Do you know where the weight room is? I'll check it out.

Tommy : Richard, I'm gonna need your watch. I've got... a... plan.

Richard Hayden : Yikes.

Thomas 'Tommy' Callahan III : No offense, but if I showed a picture of your mom to some of my buddies at school, she'd definitely be "Boner of the Month".

Paul : I'm honored. Is there anything to do in this town besides eat?

Thomas 'Tommy' Callahan III : Tommy Likey! Tommy want wing-ey!

Tommy : [goofing off in front of an electric fan]  La-la-la-loo-loo... Luuuke... Luuuke! I am your fah-ther! La-la-lay-lu...

Richard Hayden : [Walks in]  Oh, I've interrupted happy time! Now I know you want to sit there and keep being not slim, but we gotta work a little today.

Tommy : That was from Star Wars.

Richard Hayden : I know.

[Tommy is celebrating his graduation with friends] 

Tommy : Some of us are leaving, and that is sad, but this isn't the end. No way. We're gonna show this world a thing or two. We're going to show...

[he passes out and falls on a table and smashes it] 

Tommy : But the Callahan factory has been in my family for seventy years. You can't just shut it down.

Ray Zalinsky : Son, you got to look at it from my point of view. Callahan's a premium name. That's what I'm buying. I can make the parts in one of my factories, put them in a Callahan box, and sell them in my stores at a premium price. Why keep your factory going when all I want's the god damn box?

Tommy : [in anticipation of a surprise his dad has for him]  Can I open my eyes now, Dad?

Big Tom : Oh, for god's sake, son, will you quit covering your damn eyes?

Richard Hayden : [after accidentally hitting a deer]  You saw what happened. There was nothing I could do, right?

Tommy : Maybe if you didn't lean over to insult me, you would've seen it coming.

Richard Hayden : Shut up, Tommy. It's not my fault.

Tommy : Poor little furry thing.

Richard Hayden : I've never seen one close-up before.

Tommy : What are we gonna do? We can't just leave it here.

[they both start sobbing] 

Paul : So, is there anything to do in this town besides eat?

Tommy : Tons of stuff! Late-night Pitch 'n' Putt. We could go to the livestock auction and cruise the 4-H babes. Throw stuff off the bridge. What do you feel like doing?

Paul : I don't know, something a little more dangerous.

Tommy : Sure. All you can handle, bro.

Tommy : [after a failed sales pitch]  I wouldn't say you did much better. Thought you were so cool. "Watch and learn," he says. Well, I was watching. Know what I saw?

[hearing something in the back seat, he and Richard realize the deer they hit is still alive] 

Tommy : AHH! IT'S ALIVE!

[getting out of the car] 

Tommy : I think it tried to bite me!

Richard Hayden : I just barfed on an anthill. Cool. Whoa! I think they're pissed.

Tommy : [seeing a billboard advertisement for Zalinsky's auto stores]  Yeah! That's the answer!

Richard Hayden : Ugh, doesn't look like the answer. I don't remember eating that.

Frank Rittenhauer : Something went haywire down in shipping and receiving. Your shipments got screwed up in the computer. The wrong parts went to the wrong cities. Now all hell has broken loose.

Richard Hayden : I don't believe this.

Tommy : Okay, so we call everyone and explain what happened.

Frank Rittenhauer : Half the orders have already been canceled.

Tommy : What?

Frank Rittenhauer : They think it's an indication of how things work around here. The real problem is we won't be able to make the payment to the bank.

Richard Hayden : This is like a bad "Twilight Zone." I think I'm growing a tumor.

Tommy : Look, we talk to the bank, maybe they'll give us a break. Hell, we've been doin' business with 'em for 23 years.

Frank Rittenhauer : Tommy, it's all over. You made a valiant effort. But we're gonna have to sell to Zalinsky. I'm flying to Chicago to sign over the company.

Tommy : What's gonna happen to the factory?

Frank Rittenhauer : He's gonna shut it down. Zalinsky doesn't care about our workers. He wants the Callahan name. That's all.

Richard Hayden : Did anyone see "Scanners"?

Frank Rittenhauer : Bottom line is by 6:00 p.m. tomorrow, we'll all be unemployed.

Tommy : What's wrong with you, Richard? You can't drink in a car. Don't you know we can get busted for that?

Richard Hayden : [imitating Johnny Carson]  I'm sorry. I did not know that.

[normally] 

Richard Hayden : But right now, we got a bigger problem.

Tommy : That is...?

Richard Hayden : [about to barf]  Beer's coming back up.

Tommy : Richard, were you watching Spank-travision?

Richard Hayden : Okay let's get some shut eye.

Tommy : Maybe you were watching a movie with that funny comedian, oh what's his name? Buddy Whackett?

Ray Zalinsky : Truth is, I make car parts for the American working man because I'm a hell of a salesman and he doesn't know any better. Well, son, since you're no longer a shareholder, this is where I leave you. Don't feel bad. This chain of events was set in motion a long time ago, and you and bald-headed friend, you did what you could and that's commendable. Marty, have Security see these boys out.

Marty, Zalinsky's Aide : Yes, sir.

Ray Zalinsky : Mrs. Callahan.

[greets Beverly and Paul; Paul waves "goodbye"] 

Thomas 'Tommy' Callahan III : [in shock]  What's my family doing in there?

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Tommy Boy Quotes: Revisiting the Iconic Comedy’s Best Lines

“Tommy Boy,” the 1995 comedy classic starring Chris Farley and David Spade, has left an indelible mark on popular culture with its hilarious and memorable quotes. In this article, we delve into some of the most iconic lines from the film, their origins, and their lasting impact.

1. “I can get a good look at a T-bone by sticking my head up a bull’s ass, but I’d rather take a butcher’s word for it.” This quote, delivered by Tommy Callahan (played by Chris Farley), has become synonymous with the film. It humorously captures Tommy’s unique perspective on life, blending humor with an underlying wisdom.

2. “Luke, I am your father.” While many attribute this famous line to “Star Wars: Episode V – The Empire Strikes Back,” it is often misquoted. In actuality, the misquote gained popularity through a scene in “Tommy Boy,” where Tommy humorously says it into a rotating desk fan. This playful twist on a beloved movie line has become a fan favorite.

3. Rob Lowe’s Uncredited Role: In “Tommy Boy,” Rob Lowe played the supporting role of Tommy’s stepbrother. Though uncredited, his performance added depth to the film’s ensemble cast. Lowe’s decision to take on this role as a surprise to audiences showcases his commitment to the project and his willingness to embrace a smaller part.

4. Adam Sandler’s Influence: Adam Sandler’s breakthrough role in “Billy Madison” played a crucial role in the success of “Tommy Boy.” Sandler’s rising popularity at the time helped secure funding for the film, allowing it to be produced and ultimately become the comedy gem we know today. Without Sandler’s involvement, “Tommy Boy” might have never garnered the recognition it deserves.

“Tommy Boy” continues to entertain audiences with its witty humor and unforgettable quotes. From Tommy’s unique perspective on life to the playful references to popular culture, the film has left an enduring legacy. Its quotes have become part of the collective consciousness, reminding us of the laughter and joy it has brought to millions of fans worldwide. So, the next time you find yourself in need of a good laugh, remember the timeless quotes from “Tommy Boy” and enjoy the comedic brilliance of Chris Farley and his talented co-stars.

What Did Tommy Boy Say About The Butcher?

In the movie, Tommy Boy, the character Tommy, played by Chris Farley, made a humorous remark about the butcher. He said, “I can get a good look at a T-bone by sticking my head up a bull’s ass, but I’d rather take a butcher’s word for it.”

This statement is a comedic way of expressing Tommy’s preference for trusting the expertise of a butcher when it comes to determining the quality of meat, rather than relying on unconventional methods. He humorously suggests that while it may be possible to physically examine a T-bone steak by sticking one’s head up a bull’s behind, he finds it more reasonable and reliable to trust the word of a knowledgeable butcher.

This quote highlights Tommy’s tendency to rely on others’ expertise and his humorous approach to everyday situations. It serves as a comedic commentary on the importance of trusting professionals in their respective fields, such as butchers when it comes to meat quality.

What Does Chris Farley Say In Tommy Boy?

In the movie Tommy Boy, a 1995 comedy directed by Peter Segal, Chris Farley’s character, Tommy Callahan, says a famous line while playfully imitating Darth Vader from the Star Wars franchise. In a scene involving a rotating desk fan, Tommy puts his face close to the fan and exclaims, “Luke, I am your father.”

It is important to note that this line is a humorous parody of the iconic quote from the 1980 film Star Wars: Episode V – The Empire Strikes Back. In that movie, the actual line spoken by Darth Vader is, “I am your father.” Tommy Boy’s version adds the name “Luke” at the beginning, creating a comedic twist.

This particular scene in Tommy Boy has become quite popular and is often referenced by fans of both Star Wars and the comedy genre. Chris Farley’s energetic and comedic delivery further enhances the memorable nature of this moment in the film.

To summarize, in Tommy Boy, Chris Farley’s character, Tommy Callahan, humorously imitates Darth Vader and says, “Luke, I am your father,” while imitating the character’s voice into a rotating desk fan.

Why Was Rob Lowe Uncredited In Tommy Boy?

Rob Lowe, a well-known actor, played the supporting role of Tommy’s stepbrother in the movie Tommy Boy. Interestingly, he was uncredited for this role. The reason behind this decision was that Rob Lowe wanted his appearance in the film to be a “happy surprise” for the audience.

The initial script of Tommy Boy focused primarily on the relationship between the main characters, Tommy and Paul. However, as the film evolved, the script shifted its focus, and Rob Lowe’s character became more of a supporting role rather than a central one. As a result, Lowe and the filmmakers decided that his character’s presence would be more impactful if it was unexpected. By not including his name in the credits, the audience would be pleasantly surprised to see Rob Lowe’s familiar face in the movie.

It is worth noting that uncredited roles are not uncommon in the film industry. Sometimes, actors take on smaller or cameo roles without receiving official credit. This can be for various reasons, such as wanting to maintain secrecy or surprise, or simply to support the overall storytelling without drawing attention away from the main characters.

Rob Lowe’s uncredited role in Tommy Boy was a deliberate choice to create a pleasant surprise for the audience and enhance the impact of his appearance in the film.

Is Adam Sandler In Tommy Boy?

Adam Sandler is not in the movie Tommy Boy. Tommy Boy is a 1995 comedy film starring Chris Farley and David Spade. It was directed by Peter Segal and written by Bonnie and Terry Turner. The film follows the misadventures of Tommy Callahan (played by Chris Farley), a bumbling but well-meaning son who must save his family’s auto parts business. David Spade plays Richard Hayden, Tommy’s sarcastic and cynical co-worker.

While Adam Sandler is a well-known actor and comedian, he did not have a role in Tommy Boy. However, it is worth noting that both Adam Sandler and Chris Farley were prominent cast members on Saturday Night Live during the early 1990s. They often appeared in sketches together and developed a comedic rapport. Despite not appearing in the same film, their collaborations on SNL likely contributed to the success and popularity of both actors during that time.

It is also important to mention that Tommy Boy received mixed reviews from critics upon its release, with some praising its humor and performances, while others criticized its plot and reliance on physical comedy. One notable critic who did not enjoy the film was Roger Ebert, who famously gave the movie a negative review, stating that it “doesn’t rise to the standards of Airplane!”

Adam Sandler is not in the movie Tommy Boy, but his comedic collaborations with Chris Farley on Saturday Night Live likely played a part in both of their careers. Tommy Boy itself is a comedy film starring Chris Farley and David Spade, and it received mixed reviews upon its release.

In conclusion, Tommy Boy is a cult classic comedy that has left a lasting impact on pop culture, including its memorable quotes. One of the most famous misquotes from the film is “Luke, I am your father,” which is actually a parody of the iconic line from Star Wars: Episode V – The Empire Strikes Back. The scene in Tommy Boy where this misquote occurs, with Chris Farley saying it into a rotating desk fan, has likely led to the confusion among fans.

Additionally, it should be noted that Rob Lowe’s uncredited role in the film adds to its charm. His decision to be a “happy surprise” for viewers after a script shift showcases the collaborative nature of the film and the dedication of the cast and crew.

Furthermore, the success of Tommy Boy can be attributed, in part, to the breakthrough role of Adam Sandler in Billy Madison. Without the success of this film, the version of Tommy Boy that we all know and love may not have been realized.

Overall, Tommy Boy’s quotes, including the misquote of “Luke, I am your father,” have become iconic in their own right and continue to bring laughter to audiences. The film’s enduring popularity is a testament to its comedic brilliance and the talent of its cast, making it a beloved favorite among fans.

David Bordallo

• Movie quotes

“Tommy Boy” quotes

“Ugh, I can actually hear you getting fatter.” David Spade - Richard

“- Richard: Housekeeping , you want towel? - Tommy: No towels. Need sleepy. - Richard: Housekeeping , you want mint for pillow? - Tommy: Please go away let me sleep for the love of God! - Richard: Housekeeping , you want me jerk you off? - Tommy: [gets out of bed] What kinda hotel is this?... [opens the door] Oh, it's you.” David Spade - Richard Chris Farley - Tommy

“- Frank Rittenhauer: If this factory goes under, the whole town goes under. - Boardroom Lady: That's when the whores come in. - Paul Barish: Excuse me, what was that? - Boardroom Lady: Men laying their trick- money down. Twenty dollars to pay the rent? Maybe not. Maybe instead I'll spend it on the whore .” Sean McCann - Frank Rittenhauer Helen Hughes - Boardroom Lady Rob Lowe - Paul Barish

“- Tommy: Oh yeah... We don't take no for an answer ! We don't take no for an answer ... [Tommy and Richard have just finished a presentation] - 'No' Manager : No. - Tommy: Okey-dokey. - 'No' Manager : No. - Tommy: Gotcha. Thanks . - 'No' Manager : [shaking his head 'no'] Mmmm-mmmm. - Tommy: Terrific! Thanks for your time.” Chris Farley - Tommy Robert K. Weiss - No' Manager Reg Dreger - No' Manager Lloyd White - No' Manager

“- Tommy: Let's think about this for a sec, Ted. Why would somebody put a guarantee on a box? Hmmm, very interesting. - Nelson: Go on, I'm listening. - Tommy: Here 's the way I see it, Ted. Guy puts a fancy guarantee on a box 'cause he wants you to feel all warm and toasty inside. - Nelson: Yeah, makes a man feel good. - Tommy: 'Course it does....” (continue) (continue reading) Chris Farley - Tommy Colin Fox - Nelson

“Boy this is the worst. My so called family deserts me. Michelle's mad at me. I've lost the factory, the town 's going under and I'm out of a job. [the park bench collapses] Could've done without that.” Chris Farley - Tommy

“- Richard: Hey... I was just thinking... when we stopped for gas this morning I think it was you who put the oil in. - Tommy: Hey if you're going to say I didn't put the right kind in, you're wrong. I used 10-W-30. And besides, motor oil would have nothing to do with this accident. - Richard: True. But you can't latch the hood too well, if you...” (continue) (continue reading) David Spade - Richard Chris Farley - Tommy

“- Boardroom Lady: Whores running around, doing their little behind-shake for the men folk ... - Richard: I kinda like her idea . - Boardroom Man: For Christ's sake. Once during the war I visited a prostitute , and my life has been a living hell ever since.” Helen Hughes - Boardroom Lady David Spade - Richard J.R. Zimmerman - Boardroom Man

“- News Reporter : Is that why you've strapped a bomb to your chest ? - Tommy: Oh, this isn't a bomb. These are road flares. - Zalinsky: Road flares? Did you live under power lines as a kid , or something? - Tommy: Ha ha ha, why?” Sandi Stahlbrand - News Reporter Chris Farley - Tommy Dan Aykroyd - Zalinsky

“- Richard: No way that just happened. My car is completely destroyed. - Tommy: I swear I've seen a lot of stuff in my life, but that... was... awesome. [bursts out laughing ] - Tommy: ... But, sorry about your car, man. That... that sucks.” David Spade - Richard Chris Farley - Tommy

“Brothers don't shake hands . Brothers gotta hug .” Chris Farley - Tommy

“Hey, there's even a fridge! You could put six packs of be... [glances at his dad ] ... Soda in here ...” Chris Farley - Tommy

“Of course, I can get a hell of a good look at a T-Bone steak by sticking my head up a bull's ass, but I'd rather take the butcher 's word for it.” Brian Dennehy - Big Tom

“- Tommy: La-la-la-loo-loo... Luuuke... Luuuke! I am your fah-ther! La-la-lay-lu... - Richard: [walks in] Oh, I've interrupted happy time! Now I know you want to sit there and keep being not slim, but we gotta work a little today. - Tommy: That was from 'Star Wars '. - Richard: I know.” Chris Farley - Tommy David Spade - Richard

“- Tommy: Where are we gonna take the deer? - Richard: I dunno, the vet? - Tommy: You take dead animals to the vet? - Richard: Why not? I'd take you to the vet. - Tommy: Yeah I'll take you to the... Um... - Richard: Got that? - Tommy: Shut up.” Chris Farley - Tommy David Spade - Richard

“- Tommy: Richard, do I have a mark on my face? It really hurts. - Richard: Nope, nothing. I thought I hit you on the shoulder. - Tommy: My shoulder doesn't hurt very much, but my face does. [points to huge bruised area on his face] - Tommy: Right here . Not here or here so much. Right here . - Richard: Nope. Ship shape! Waitress, can I get that...” (continue) (continue reading) Chris Farley - Tommy David Spade - Richard Maria Vacratsis - Helen

“These shoes are Italian. They're worth more than your life.” Rob Lowe - Paul Barish

“I wish we'd known each other... this is a little awkward .” Chris Farley - Tommy

“I was just checking the specs on the endline for the... rotary... girder... I'm retarded.” Chris Farley - Tommy

“You better pray to the god of skinny punks that this wind doesn't pick up, 'cause I'll come over there, and jam an oar up your ass.” Chris Farley - Tommy

“- Tommy: Does this suit make me look fat? - Richard: No, your face does.” Chris Farley - Tommy David Spade - Richard

“- Kid in Bank: Hey, Mom ! It's the guy who robbed the bank. - Tommy: I didn't rob any bank. - Kid in Bank: Oh, yeah, right. Like it was some other real fat guy with a tiny head. - Tommy: I got a tiny head?” Gil Filar - Kid in Bank Chris Farley - Tommy

“- Tommy: Did you hear I finally graduated? - Richard: Yeah, and just a shade under a decade too. All right. - Tommy: You know a lot of people go to college for seven years. - Richard: I know, they're called doctors.” Chris Farley - Tommy David Spade - Richard

“- Frank Rittenhauer: I just wanna tell you, you really look dynamite today, Beverly. [toasts the camera] - Ted Reilly: Yeah, Tom, you are a lucky man. Boy, would I like to get some of that. - Richard: Good lord. - Ted Reilly: Oh, God. No. Richard, you got an edit button on that thing? - Richard: [backing away] It'll cost you!” Sean McCann - Frank Rittenhauer Zach Grenier - Ted Reilly David Spade - Richard

• salesmanship
• awkwardness
• cheerfulness
• destruction
• brotherhood
• prostitution

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Movie Quotes from Tommy Boy: Quotes from the movie Tommy Boy

Richard: Hey, I was just thinking. When we stopped for gas this morning, I think it was YOU who put the oil in. Tommy: Hey, if you’re gonna say I didn’t put the right kind in, you’re wrong. I used 10W-30. And besides, motor oil would have nothing to do with this accident. Richard: True…but you can’t latch the hood too well IF YOU DON’T TAKE THE CAN OUT YOU NO SELLING WASTE OF SPACE! I SWEAR TO GOD YOU’RE WORTHLESS! Tommy: I’m sorry about your car, but don’t call me worthless, I’m trying my best. I’m not my dad. Richard: That’s right your not your dad. He could sell a ketchup popsicle to a woman in white gloves! Tommy: Ketchup popsicle!? Richard: Yeah! I learned everything I know from him. I didn’t have a father and he looked out for me, but you, he was your real dad and you just took it for granted. HEY, I’M BIG TOM’S SON, HE’LL FIX EVERYTHING SO I’M ALLOWED TO BE A MORAN! Tommy: THAT’S IT! GET OUT! GET OUTTA THE CAR! IT’S GO TIME! YOU AND ME! Richard: Look mommmy! The rhino’s getting too close the car! Tommy: Him to ‘fraid to get out. He just a little guy. Richard: That’s it big boy, I’m gonna wail on you. You’re gonna regret volunteering for this job, Porky! Tommy: HEY BOYS AND GIRLS, IT’S PAPA SMURF! Richard: You don’t want none of me, think it through. Tommy: Come on! Gimmie your best shot, I’ll give ya a free one, lemme have it!…That was it!? Come on, you can do better than that, can’t ya Cap’n Limpwrist…try again!…Hey everybody, is there a window open, I feel a draft!? Ugghh!! Uhhh! If I wanted a kiss I woulda called your mother…UGGHH!…that was a good one. Richard: Hey! Prehistoric Forest!

#1 i’m picking up your sarcasism #2 well i should hope so because i’m laying it on pretty thick

#1 Richard, What where you doing? #2 I was going over some documents. #1 Oh well where are they, Geez I don’t see them. #2 They’re in my briefcase. I thought you were getting pizza. #1 They’re closed. How could you be reading documents if they’re in your briefcase. Hum, that’s a mystery. Richard were you watching, Spanktravison? Or maybe you were watching a show with that funny little comedian, oh what’s his name? Buddy Wackit

#1 What is there to do in this town #2 You can throw things off the bridge

#1)Hey, did ya hear I finally graduated? #2)Yeah, and just a shade under a decade too, all right. #1)You know a lot a people go to college for 7 years. #2)I know, they’re called doctors!

#1-Yeah well I wouldn’t say you did much better. Thought you were so cool. Watch and learn he says. Well I was watching you know what I saw? #1&2-AAAHH! #1-IT’S ALIVE! I think it tried to bite me!

#1. bees in the car, bees everywhere, god theyre huge, theyre ripping my flesh off! officer 1. son uh, roll around, u hear me? roll around on the ground. #1. forget that im starting to swell up. #2.save yourself, dont be the hero. officer 2. frank, im allergic to bees. officer 1. me too. #1. theyre huge and theyre sting crazy. officer 1. we..we’ll come back later and check on ya. officer 2. yeah in a while. #2. save yourself. #1 your firearms are useless against them. #1 & #2. AHHHHHHHHH

#1: A lot of people go to college for ten years. #2: Yeah, they’re called doctors.

#1: I’ll have some chicken wings.#2: Kitchen’s closed. All we got’s cold stuff and desserts.#1: Boy some chicken wings’d really hit the spot, are you sure the kitchens closed?#2: Lemme check. Yep, still closed.

#1: Is that Tommy? He looks bloated.#2: Yeah that’s him, the camera adds a few hundred pounds.

#1: Not here. Or here so much. But right here. #2: Nope, shipshape.

#1Whoa Man, haha, hey guys do i look different now that im a college grad. #2Um, not really. #1 It’s obvious they give alot more D+’s then D-‘s i’ll tell you that right now. #3 Yeah, you said that. #2 So that’s it for school huh, now what? #1 No Idea, hahaha. But for now i’ll probably go back and work at dad’s loading docks, then we’ll see. #4 Well im going to miss you man you were the best. #1 No man you were the best, i love all you guys…expecially you uhh, HAHAHAHA. I’m going to make at toast. To the best bunch of rugby freaks ever born. Maybe weren’t the smartest kids on campus. Hm, maybe we spent a little to much time thrown up off balaconies, but we had fun right? Yeah. (takes hit from bong. cont.) Now some of us are leaving and that is sad, but were not going down, no way. We’re going to show this world a thing or two. We’re going to show. (Collapses through table) Guys: Haha HAHAHAHA

‘Hey lady, look out! There’s a big fat whale on your boat!’ ‘Yeah, Free Willy!’ ‘Listen up, you little spazioids! I know where you live and I’ve seen where you sleep, and I swear to everything Holy, you’re mother’s will cry when they see what I’ve done to you!’

( TOmmy is eating fries using lots of ketchup) Richard:Ewww, I can actually hear you getting fatter. Tommy:Shut up Richard

( Tommy’s doin’ a hand stand and lets out a puff of smoke)WOMBAT!

(1)A lot of people go to college for seven years… (2)Yeah, they’re called doctors!

(1)Alright, now it’s sale time. So remember we don’t take no… (2)No shit from anyone! (1)Nooo… (2)Uh, we don’t take no prisoners… (1)We don’t take no for an answer (2)Oh Yeah! We don’t take NO for an answer!

(1)Aww… that’s gonna up the resale value… melted chocolate in the dash. (2)I think we’re gonna be okay here. They have a thin candy shell on it. I’m surprised you didn’t know that. (1)I think your brain has a thick candy shell on it. (2)Your brain’s the one with… the shell on it. (1)Got that? (2)Shut up Richard!

(1)Hey Gilligan! Did you eat the skipper!? (2)YOU BETTER PRAY TO THE GOD OF SKINNY PUNKS THAT THIS WIND DOESN’T PICK UP, CAUSE I’LL COME OVER THERE AND JAM AN OAR UP YOUR ASS!

(1)Hey! There’s even a fridge! This is great! You could put six packs of b… soda in here…milk…yogurt…you could put candy bars in the freezer! (2)Anything that you want to keep cool.

(1)Hey, I was just thinking. When we stopped for gas this morning, I think it was YOU who put the oil in. (2)Hey, if you’re gonna say I didn’t put the right kind in, you’re wrong. I used 10W-30. And besides, motor oil would have nothing to do with this accident. (1)True…but you can’t latch the hood too well IF YOU DON’T TAKE THE CAN OUT YOU NO SELLING WASTE OF SPACE! I SWEAR TO GOD YOU’RE WORTHLESS! (2)I’m sorry about your car, but don’t call me worthless, I’m trying my best. I’m not my dad. (1)That’s right you’re not your dad. He could sell a ketchup popsicle to a woman in white gloves! (2)Ketchup popsicle!? (1)Yeah! I learned everything I know from him. I didn’t have a father and he looked out for me, but you, he was your real dad and you just took it for granted. HEY, I’M BIG TOM’S SON, HE’LL FIX EVERYTHING SO I’M ALLOWED TO BE A MORON! (2)THAT’S IT! GET OUT! GET OUTTA THE CAR! IT’S GO TIME! YOU AND ME! (1)Look mommmy! The rhino’s getting too close the car! (2)Him too ‘fraid to get out. He just a little guy. (1)That’s it big boy, I’m gonna wail on you. You’re gonna regret volunteering for this job, Porky! (2)HEY BOYS AND GIRLS, IT’S PAPA SMURF! (1)You don’t want none of me, think it through. (2)Come on! Gimme your best shot, I’ll give ya a free one, lemme have it!…That was it!? Come on, you can do better than that, can’t ya Cap’n Limpwrist…try again!… Hey everybody, is there a window open, I feel a draft! Ugghh!! Uhhh! If I wanted a kiss I woulda called your mother… UGGHH!…that was a good one. (1)Hey! Prehistoric Forest!

(1)I don’t see any McKeesPort. (2)It’s the next town Tons-o-fun, it’s gotta be there. Ok, where’s Moron? Ok, Moron’s here so McKeesPort…

(1)If this factory goes under this whole town goes under. (2)And that’s when the whores come in. (Groans from the group) (3)Here we go… (4)’Scuse me? What was that? (Groans from the group again) (2)Men laying their trick money down. $20 to pay the rent? Hm? Maybe instead I’ll spend it on the whore!

(1)It’s a clip-on. (2)Are you sure?

(1)Oh no, loading it up took us over an hour. Now we only got 20 minutes before Brady Automotive closes. (2)Yeah, well, where are we gonna take the deer? (1)I don’t know, the vet? (2)You take dead animals to the vet? (1)Why not? Take you to the vet. (2)Yeah, I’ll take you to the…… (1)Got that? (2)Shut up.

(1)Richard, check out my new office! (2)You have a window. And why shouldn’t you? You’ve been here ten minutes.

(1)That’s it! Outta the car! (2)Mommy, mommy, the rhino’s getting close. (1)Oh, him’s afwaid, him’s just a wittle guy. (2)That’s it big fella, I’m gonna wail on you. (1)Well look everybody, it’s Papa Smurf! (2)Think it over, you don’t want any of me. (1)Come on, gimme your best shot. *punch* That was it? Come on you can do better than that can’t you, Captain Limpwrist? *punch* Hey is there a window open? I think I feel a draft. *several punches* If would of wanted a kiss I would gone to your mother. *wack with 2×4* That was a good one.

(1)Why do they put a guarantee on the box then? (2)’Cause they know all they sold you was a guaranteed piece of shit. That’s all it is, isn’t it? Hey, if you want me to take a dump in a box and mark it guaranteed I will, I got spare time.

(1)You can’t just go in and out. You gotta finese ’em a little bit. (2)Hey, by finese do you mean sputtering out sentence fragments and lighting things on fire?

(1-Now lets see what happens when your driving with the other guys breakpads your driving along and all of sudden your kids start yelling from the backseat i gotta go to the bathroom daddy!Not now dammit!Truck tire!SCHREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH!I CAN’T STOP!(Sound of car crashing into the table)Theres a cliff!AHHHHHHHHHHHH!And your family’s screeming,OH MY GOD WHERE BURNING ALIVE!NOOOOOO I CAN’T FEEL MY LEGS!In comes the meat wagon(siren)andthe medic gets out and says oh my god.New guys in the corner pukin’ his guts out,(throwing up sound)All because you want to save a couple of pennies,now to me.. (2GET OUT,NOOOW!

(after hugging a guy) I wish we’d known each other. This is a little awkward.

(after hugging) I wish we had known each other. This is a little awkward

(Carpenter’s song playing in the background) Long ago and oh so far away…Talk about lame…yeah totally…you can chang it if you want…I don’t care it’s up to you…I can live with it if you can…suit yourself …pause… (Richard and Tommy in tearful unison)Don’t you remember you told me you love me baby…

(p1):maybe you shoulda called. (p2): I did call, earlier (p1)earlier… when was that? (p2) Err, later when I left a message. (p1)A message? what number did you call? (p2) 2-4-9er-5-6-7-8 (p1) I can’t hear you, you’re trailing off, and did I catch a 9er in there were you calling from a walkie talkie? (p2) no it was cordless… hey did you know i finished college? (p1) yeah and just a shade under a decade, alright! (p2) A lot of people go to college for 7 years (p1) i know, they’re called doctors

(richard opens door and it falls off) Tommy: What’d you do!!

(singing)Fat guy in a little coat…fat guy in a little coat.

(Tb)does this suit make me look fat? (R)No, no, your face does

(Tommy is searching a map with no luck) Richard: Ok where’s moron? Ok Moron’s here *points at Tommy* Look Magellan we’re at this wrinkle here.

*KNOCK**KNOCK* HOUSEKEEPING!

-Lot’s a people gp to college for seven years. -Yeah, they’re called doctors.

…and by ‘finesse’ do you mean sputtering out sentence fragments and lighting things on fire?

…And that’s when the WHORES come in…

…but for now, for your customer’s sake, for your daughter’s sake, you might wanna think about buying a quality product from me.

…next thing ya know, there’s change missin’ off the dresser and your daughter’s knocked up. I’ve seen it a hundred times.

1) *name*, is there a mark on my face? 2) No, *name*, there isn’t. 1) See, it doesn’t hurt so much here, or here, but it does right here. 2) Nope, there’s no mark.

1) i was just checking the specks on the rotary for tghe gurter im retarded.

1) Is that for me? 2) No son, that’s for me.

1) Is this your first time? 2) Yeah Tommy, I’m afraid it is. 1) I can’t believe you’ve never been cow tipping before!

1) It’s a clip-on 2)Are ya sure?

1) listen im gonna need your john hancock on this one 2)john hancock, its HERBY hancock haha

1) you got any money? cuz i got a plan… 2) yikes

1) you know i think you8r gunna be ok here tehy have a thin candy shell im surprised you didnt know that 2) i think your brain has a thick candy shell. 1) your heads got the.. shell on it… 2)you got that. 1) shut up richard.

1)Did you eat paint chips as a kid…..2)Yeah So?

1)Everybody this’ll only take a second. (everyone screams and drops to the floor) 2)Have you done this before?

1)I saw your step-brother kissing your step-mother. 2)So? 1)With his tongue. 1 and 3)Eww!

1)Look Mommy the rinos getting too close to the car 2) Him too afraid to get out, he just a little guy 1) Thats it big boy I’m gonna whale on you

1)There they are, pretty maids all in a row. I want the one on the left she’s perfect. Which one do you want? Huh huh huh? OK. 2)Does it really matter? 1)Oh yeah, wait a second, is this your first time? 2)Yeah Tommy it is. 1)Hun your gonna remember this the rest of your life. I can’t beleive you’ve never been cow tippin before. Well get ready to live. Now what you do is you put your shoulders into her and you push. 2)And? 1)They fall over. (laughing) 2)Doesn’t this strike you as kinda dumb? 1)We’re family, we’re gonna be doin tons of dumb stuff. Wait til Christmas.

1)YOU TAKE DEAD ANIMALS TO THE VET 2) well ill take you to the… 1) ya got that 2) shut up richard

1. A lot of people take seven years to graduate from college. 2. Yeah they call them doctors.

1. Hey, did you hear I finally graduated? 2. Yeah, in just a shade under a decade too! 1. Shut up! you know, a lot of people go to college for 7 years. 1. I know, they’re called doctors!

1. I saw your brother and your stepmom at the airport and they were kissing. 2. So? 1. With their tongues. 2. Ahh, doin’ his mommy.

1. LUKE I AM YOUR FATHER…..IT’S FROM STARWARS 2. I KNOW

1. this town doesn’t know what’s about to hit it. 2. fish in a barrel. people are the fish, town’s the barrel. POW! fish in a barrel…

1. went a little heavy on the pine tree perfume. 2. it’s an air freshener sir. 1. great, you’ve pinpointed it. Step two is washing it off.

1. You know a lot of people go to college for ten years. 2. Yeah, they’re called doctors.

1. You worthless no selling waste of space. 2. I know I’m not my dad but you dont have to call me worthless. 1. Your right, your not your dad, Your dad could sell a ketsup popsicle to a woman with white gloves. The one person that should care about the business, you, doesn’t.

1.) Aww… that’s gonna up the resale value… melted chocolate in the dash. 2.) I think we’re gonna be okay here. They have a thin candy shell on it. I’m surprised you didn’t know that. 1.) I think your brain has a thick candy shell on it. 2.) You’re brain’s the one with… the shell on it. 1.) Got that? 2.) Shut up *name*!

1.)Bees in the car! Bees everywhere! God, they’re huge! they’re ripping my flesh off! 2.)son… uh.. roll around! roll around on the ground! 1.)Forget that, I’m starting to swell up! 3.)Save yourself! don’t be the hero! 2.)Frank.. I’m allergic to bees! 4.)me too! 1.)They’re huge and they’re sting crazy! 2.)We’ll come back and we’ll check on you! 3.)save yourself! 1.)your fire arms are useless against them!

1.jesus, what happened to you did you fall into some white mud?2. There is no such thing as white mudd!!1. No dats cuz i said did…. you .. fall… into… some …. crud!!!

1.So, how do we look? 2. Chubby!?

1: Hey Gilligan! Did you eat the skipper!? 2: YOU BETTER PRAY TO THE GOD OF SKINNY PUNKS THAT THIS WIND DOESN’T PICK UP, CAUSE I’LL COME OVER THERE AND JAM AN OAR UP YOUR ASS!

1: Hey, I’ll tell ya what, you can take a good look at a butcher’s ass by sticking your head up there, but wouldn’t you rather take his word for it? 2: What? I’m failing to make the connection here, son. 1: No, I mean, you can get a good look at a T-bone by sticking your head up a butcher’s ass, but then…no, it’s gotta be your bull. 3: Wow. 1: Here’s the deal. If I want you… 3: You have derailed. 1: Shut up, Richard! 2: Boy, I’m really at a loss for words here. 1: Forget it, I quit! I can’t do this anymore, man. My head’s about to explode! My whole life sucks! I don’t know what I’m doing! I don’t know where I’m going! My dad just died! We just killed Bambi! I’m out here gettin’ my ass kicked, and everytime I drive down the road I wanna jerk the wheel into a goddamn bridge impartment!

1: Look out! I’ve got cat like speed and reflexes!…WAAAAAA…AAAAA…AAAAAAA! I was checking the…uh…ssspecks on the endline, for the rotary girder…I’m retarded…I… 2: Ok, Tom!

Kid in Bank: Hey, Mom! It’s the guy who robbed the bank. Tommy: I didn’t rob any bank. Kid in Bank: Oh, yeah, right. Like it was some other real fat guy with a tiny head. Tommy: I got a tiny head?

Mrs. Nelson: Honey, look at this human bomb on the news. Ted Nelson: Huh? Yeah. I buy break pads off him. I thought we were watching cartoons.

Nicole Taylor, Action 8 News: Is that why you strapped a bomb to your chest? Tommy: Oh, this isn’t a bomb. These are road flares. Ray Zalinsky: Road flares? Did you live under power lines as a kid, or something? Tommy: Ha ha ha. Why?

Paul: Did you eat a lot of paint chips when you were a kid? Tommy: [laughs] Why?

Ray Zalinsky: Went a little heavy on the pine tree perfume there, kid. Tommy: Sir, it’s a taxicab air freshener. Ray Zalinsky: Great. You’ve pinpointed it. Step two is washing it out.

Tommy: R.T., I think I figured out the problem. This order is going to Columbus. That’s a one-day delivery, but you’ve got it marked down for two.

R.T.: That’s because it’s going to Columbus, Georgia. Not Columbus, Ohio.

[shows Tommy the shipping address]

R.T.: You see these letters by the city? That’s called a state. What else you got, Wonder Boy?

Tommy: Uh…that’s pretty much it for now.

R.T.: Hey, Tommy, maybe you should go back to college for another seven years and study a globe.

Tommy: Some of us are leaving, and that is sad, but this isn’t the end. No way. We’re gonna show this world a thing or two. We’re going to show– [he passes out and falls on a table and smashes it]

>It’s a clip on. >>Are you sure?

>Oh great M&M’s inside the dash, that’ll really up the resale value of the car. >>They have a thin candy shell, I’m surprised you didn’t know that. >I think your head has a thick candy shell. >>Shut up Richard. >Are you still talking?

>What is that smell? >>It’s pine, car airfreshener sir. >Great, now that you’ve pinpointed the smell, the next step is eliminating it.

A D+? Oh…My…God. I PASSED!

A) Richard, I’ve…got…a…plan. B) Yikes!

A) You can put six packs of bee…sodas, candy bars… B) Yeah, son, whatever you want to keep cold.

A: You can get a six pack of beee…Coke in here. B: Anything you want to keep cold.

and that’s when the whores will come

And this is what happens when you use the other guy’s brake pads: You’re drivin’ along, you’re drivin’ along kid’s are in the back seat screamin’, “Daddy I gotta pee!” “Not now, damn it!”. Uh oh, truck tire (brakes screeching). I can’t stop! Oh there’s cliff. (makes crashing noises). Oh we’re burning alive! I can’t feel my legs! In comes the meat wagon (makes siren noises). Ordely steps out and looks at the wreckage, “Oh my God.” New guy’s over the corner pukin’ his guts out (wretching). All because you wanted to save a couple of pennies.

Apparently they give a lot fewer D+’s than D-‘s. It’s not a grade they like to give out, I’ll tell ya that right now.

awesome…you can put a six pack of be..soda in there!

Awww! Melted candy in the dash that really ups the resale value!

Bees! Killer bees! Save yourself! Your firearms are useless against them!

Brother’s don’t shake hands, brothers hug!!!-tommy

Brothers don’t sahke hands. Brothers gotta hug!

Brothers don’t shake hands

Brothers don’t shake hands – BROTHERS HUG!!

Brothers don’t shake hands! Brothers gotta hug!

BROTHERS DON’T SHAKE HANDS, BROTHERS GOT TO HUG

BROTHERS DON’T SHAKE HANDS, BROTHERS GOTTA HUG

Brothers don’t shake hands, brothers gotta hug!

Brothers don’t shake hands, brothers hug!

Brothers don’t shake hands. Brothers gotta hug!

Brothers don’t shake hands. Brothers hug!

Brothers don’t shake hands….brothers HUUUUUG.

Brothers don’t shake hands…Brothers gotta hh ug

Brothers don’t shake hands…brothers gotta hug!

Brothers don’t shake hands…brothers gotta hug!!

Brothers don’t shake hands…brothers gotta hug!!!

BROTHERS DON’T SHAKE HANDS..BROTHERS GOTTA HUG!

Brothers Dont Shake Hands , Brothers Gatta HUG!

Brothers dont shake hands…Brothers gotta hug

But what if the Guarantee Fairy’s a crazy glue sniffer? Next thing you know there’s change missing from your dresser and your daughter’s knocked up. I’ve seen it a hundred times

Can we get any more moths in here?

Chicken Wings!

Could’ve done without that!

Daddy I need to go to the bathroom. Not now dangit! Oh no I can’t stop. BANG BANG. Oh my God were burning alive. Here comes the Ambulance. WEEU WEEU.

David Spade: I know you’sd like to sit there being not slim, but we’ve got work to do.

Did I catch a niner in there? Were ya callin’ from a walkie-talkie?

Did I hear a niner in there? Are you talking on a walky-talky?

Did you climb on powerlines as a kid.Haha, Why?

Did you eat a lot of paint chips when you were a kid?

did you eat alot of paint chips as a kid?

Does this suit make me look fat? No, no your face does

Don’t tell me you’ve never been cow dipping before! Get ready to live…

EXCUSE ME!…… This will only take a minute of your time!

Excuse me, excuse me……D plus…no way…I..passed! Im gonna graduate!I passed!!(hugs guy)I wish we would have known each other, this is a little awkward.I PASSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

fat guy in a little coat

Fat Guy in a little coat…Fat Guy in a little coat…

Fat guy in a littleee coat, Fattt guyyy in a littleeeee coatt…….Oh Richard

Fat man in little coat

For the love of God!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Forget it, I quit! I can’t do this anymore, man! My head’s about to explode! My whole life sucks! I don’t know what I’m doing, I don’t know where I’m going! My dad just died.. We just killed Bambi.. I’m out here getting my ass kicked, and everytime I drive down the road, I want to jerk the wheel into a god-damn bridge embankment.

Gas Station Clerk: I’m picking up your sarcasm. Richard: That’s because I’m laying it on you pretty think.

God, I can hear you getting fatter

He’s a big dumb animal isn’t he folks?

He’s vacuming. I don’t know I guess he’s clean.

heres what i think of calahan auto parts *pissssss*zzzzzz*(gets shocked by the elctrical box

Hey bro’ all that you can handle..

hey brother….hi you must be tommy, i’m paul….brothers dont shake hands, brothers gotta HUG!

Hey can you speak a little louder? i can’t hear you richard’s vacuuming…i don’t know i guess he’s clean?

Hey Richard, is that your coat, dont even think about it fat guy in a little coat, Im serious man dont, Fat Guy in a little coat Fatguy in a little coat, oh Richard whats happening. Ripppppppppppppppppppppppppppp

Hey Richard… who’s your faavorite Little Rascal? Is it Alfalfa or is it Spanky? Sinner….

hey tommy lok at that bigass bimbo

yaaaaaaa shes awsome

Hey!, prehistoric village.

Hey, if you want me to take a dump in a box and mark it guaranteed I will, I got spare time…

Holy lord! aught this one right after Thanksgiving feast! I need a pooper scooper!

Holy shnikees!

HOLY SHNIKEYS!!!

Holy Shnikeys!!!!

House keeping, you want mint for pillow?

House Keeping…You want change of sheets?….Noo…want..sleepy…go away….House keeping..you want pillow fluffed? No….i wanna sleep…House Keeping….You want mint for pillow? NO! i want sleepy…please let me SLEEP FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!!…Oh richard…it’s YOU!!!!—Cadillac

Housekeeping you want meet jerk you off..? (Jumping up qickly from his bed)What kind of motel is this.

Housekeeping!

Housekeeping, want me Jack – You – Off

Housekeeping, you want me jack you off?

how do we look? chubby….hahahha…i think that’s the champagne talking…

I can almost hear you getting fatter.

I can get a good look at a T-bone by sticking my head up a bull’s ass, but I’d rather take the butchers word for it!

I can’t believe he called me a phsycho…were you in there just a second ago? you are a phsycho!

I could hear you getting fatter

I got a D I passed! I passed!….I…I wish we would have known eachother….this is a little ackward…

i got a D+!! I’m gonna graduate!

I have seen a lot of things in my life, but that…was…AWESOME!! Oh, but sorry about your car man. That..that sucks…

I have what doctors call a little bit of a weight problem.

i have what doctors like to call a little bit of a weight problem.

i have what doctors like to call and little bit of a weight problem

I have what the doctors call, a little bit of a weight problem.

I know where you live and I’ve seen where you sleep and I swear to all that is holy your mothers will weep when they see what I’ve done to you.

I know where you live and I’ve seen where you sleep and I swear to everything holy your mothers will weep when they see what I’ve done to you!

I know where you live, and I’ve seen where you sleep and swear on everything holy, your mothers will CRY when they see what I’ve done to you!

I know where you sleep and I’ve seen where you live. I swear on all that’s holy that your mothers will cry when they see what I’ve done to you.

I LOVE YOU, BROTHER!!!!!!!

I swear I’ve seen a lot of stuff in my life but…that..was…AWESOME! But sorry about your car man… it sucks.

I think it tried to bite me!

I used to get bear claws lodged, two at a time, right here!

I used to grab bear claws as a kid, two at a time, and i’de get them lodged, right in this region here

I was checking the uh.. specs on the end line.. for the rotary… gurter… I’m retarded.

I was just checking the rotary girder…I’m retarded!

I was just checking the specs for the rotary, girder, thingy, I’m retarded!

I was just checking the, ah, specks on the endline for the rotary gurter… I’m retarded…

I was just checking the, ah, specs on the endline for the rotary girder… I’m retarded…

I was just going over some documents.

I’ll just have a sugar packet or two!

I’m a maniac MANIAC

I’m a maniac, MANIAC!

I’ve got cat like speed and reflex

I’ve seen some crazy stuff in my time, but that… was… AWESOME!!! Oh, sorry about your car, man.

If I wanted a kiss I would have called your mother!

if i wanted a kiss i woulda called your mother!

If I wanted a kiss I woulda called your mother.

If you want me to take a sh*t in a box and mark it guaranteed, ive got spare time.

Is it just me or does Tommy look Bloated. No, the camera adds a couple…hundred pounds.

Is that all ya got Captain Limp Wrist?

It doesn’t hurt here. And it doesn’t hurt here. Just right in here.

It doesn’t matter if we got the chicken wings, we still got the meat lovers’ pizza in the trunk!

It doesnt hurt here, or here so much, but right here.

It looks real!

It’s called reading, top to bottom left to right. A group a words together is called a sentence. Take Tylenol for any headaches, Midol for any cramps.

It’s called reading. Top to bottom, left to right, group words together as a sentence. Take Tylenol for any headaches… Midol for any cramps.

It’s called reading… top to bottom… left to right. You group words together to form a sentence. Take tylenol for any headaches, Midol for any cramps.

its called reading top to bottm left to right take tynol for headaches midol for cramps

Ive got cat like speeding reflexes!

Jesus, what the hell happened to your face?

john hancock…..its herbie hancock

Kid 1: Hey,tubo,you ain’t moving! Tommy:Yeah,need a little wind here. Kid 2: No,you need to drop a couple hundred pounds,blimp! Tommy:I guess that’s what you think! Kid 3:Hey,yo,santa’s limp,like your d—! Tommy:Watch your language in front of the lady punk! Kid 1:Hey,Gilligan!Did you eat the Skipper? Tommy:You better prat to the lord of skinny punks,that this wind dosen’t pick up,cause I’ll come over there,and jam a oar up your a–! Kid 2:Hey,lady look out,there’s a fat whale on your boat! Kid 3:Yeah,Free Willy! Michelle:Listen up,you little spazioids!I know where you live and I’ve seen where you sleep,and I swear to everything Holy,you’re mother’s will cry when they see what I’ve done to you! I was just kidding,I have no idea where they live. Tommy:That was awesome!

kid:Hey there’s the guy that robbed the bank.Tommy:I didn’t rob any bank. kid:Yeah right like it was some other real fat guy with a tiny head! Tommy:I have a tiny head?!

Killer bees! AAAAHHHHH! Protect yourself, your firearms are useless against them

Knock knock knock……Housekeeping,Housekeeping, You want mint on your pillow? NO! go away! knock knock…housekeeping, you want french kissing, nooo leave me alone….housekeeping you want me jerk you off..wat the?!

Lady:Then the Whores come in…WHORES! doin their little be–hind dance for the men folk! . Richard:i kinda like her idea . man: i visited a prostitute once during the war and my life has been a living hell ever since

Late again Tommy, your pathetic, Shut up Richard

Late again Tommy? You’re pathetic! Shut up Richard!!!

Late again Tommy? Shut up Richard!

Let me tell you why i SUCK as a salesman, lets say i go into some guy’s office, lets say he’s even remotely interested in buying something, well then i get all excited, i’m like Jojo, the indian circus boy with a pretty new pet, the pet is my possible sale. ohh my pretty little pet, I LOVE YOU!! so i stroke it, and i pet it, and i masaaage it. hee hee hee, I LOVE IT!! i love my little naughty pet, YOU’RE NAUGHTY!! then i take my naughty pet, and i go, phggghhhh!!! phhgggghhhh!!!! OHHHHHHH!!!!! I KILLED IT, I KILLED MY SALE!!! And thats when i blow it. Thats when people like you and me have to forge ahead Helen, am i right? (Helen) God, you’re sick, tell you what, i’ll go in the back and throw some wings n the burners for you, ok? (Tommy)THANKS HELEN!!! Tommy likie!!! Tommy want wingy!!!

Let me tell you why I suck as a salesman. Let’s say I go into some guy’s office. Let’s say he’s even remotely interested in buying something. Well then I get all excited. I’m like Jojo, the indian circus boy with a pretty new pet. My pet is my possible sale so I stroke it and I pet it and I massage. Yeah I love my little naughty pet, your naughty. And then I take my naughty pet and I go (ripping noise). Ahhhh. I killed it. I killed my sale. That’s when I blow it.

Let me tell you why I suck as a salesman. Say I walk into some guys office and he’s even remotely interested in buying something. Well then I get all excited and I’m like Jo-Jo the idiot circus boy with a pretty new pet. The pet, is my possible sale. Oh my pretty little pet. I love you. So I stroke it….and I pet it….and I massage it. And I love my little naughty pet. You’re naughty… And then I take my naughty pet and I go….AHHHH! I killed it. I killed my sale!

Let me tell you why I suck as a Salesman. Say I walk into some guys office and he’s even remotely interested in buying something. Well then I get all excited and I’m like Jo-Jo the idiot circus boy with a pretty new pet. The pet, is my possible sale. Oh my pretty little pet. I love you. So I stroke it….and I pet it….and I massage it. And I love my little naughty pet. You’re naughty… And then I take my naughty pet and I go….AHHHH! I killed it. I killed my sale!

Let’s say the average person uses 10% of their brain. You on the other hand use 1 1/2%. The rest of your brain is covered with Molted Hoppes and Bong Resin!

Let’s say the average person uses ten percent of their brain…how much do you use? One and a half percent. The rest is clogged with malted hops and bong resin.

Let’s say your drivin’ along the raod with your family and your drivin’ along la de la woo woo. And all of a sudden there’s a truck tire in the middle of the road. And then you hit then you hit the brakes. EEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR! Woah , That was close! HA HA. And now let’s see what happens when your drivin’ with the other guys brake pads. Your drivin’ along, your drivin’ along and the kids are yellin’ from the back seat. I gotta go to the bathroom daddy. NOT NOW DAMN IT! Truck tire EEEEERRRRRRR! I CAN’T STOP!!!!!!! UUUGH UGGH HELP! There’s a cliff AHHHHH! Bang! And your family’s screamin’ OH MY GOD, WERE BURNING ALIVE! NO, I CAN’T FEEL MY LEGS! Here comes the meat wagon WWEEEEOOOOOO WWWWWWEEEEEOOOOO. And the medic gets out and says OH MY GOD! New guy’s in the corner pukin’ his guts out BLLLLLAAAHHHHH BBBBBBLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAHHHHH! All becouse you wanted to save a couple extra Pennies.

Lil’ roots please stay strong!

Listen up this will only take a second

listen up you little spazoids i know where you live and ive seen where you sleep and i swear on evry thing holy that your mothers will cry when they see what i’ve done to you…i was just kidding, i dont know where they live

Listen, I know you’d love to just sit there and keep being not slim, but we have work to do.

Look kids, it’s Papa Smurf.

Look Magellan, we’re at this wrinkle, here…..

Luuuke I am your faaaather, lor lor lay lo

Mommy mommy the rhinos getting to close to the car!!

my dad just died, i just killed bambi, and everytime i drive i wanna jerk the wheel into a goddamn bridge impartment.

My fellow nerds and I will retire to the nerdery with our calculators.

My shoulder doesn’t hurt very much, but my face does… RIGHT here… not here… or here so much, but RIGHT HERE.

Next thing you know there’s money missing off the dresser and your daughter’s knocked up. I’ve seen it a hundred times.

NICE DISTANCE!

No offence, but if I sent a picture of your mom to my friends she’d defenitly be bonner of the month.

No Tommy, don’t give her the weight room line, scram!

No,it’s got to be your bull

No… I mean.. you could get a good look at a T-BONE by sticking your head up a BUTCHER’S ass… but then… NO.. it’s got to be your bull.

No…its gotta be your bull.

NOT HERE OR HERE, BUT RIGHT HERE

Now let’s see what happens when you drive with the OTHER guy’s brake-pads.. you’re driving along, you’re driving along, then all of a sudden the kids are yelling in the backseat, ‘I gotta go to the bathroom, daddy!’, ‘NOT NOW, DAMNIT!’– truck tire! RRRRR! I can’t stop!!! AHHH!! AHHH! HELLLP! THERE’S A CLIFF!!! AHHHHHH!! And your family’s screaming, ‘OH MY GOD, WE’RE BURNING ALIVE!! NOOO, I CAN’T FEEL MY LEGS!’ In comes the meat wagon! WEE WOO WEE WOO WEE WOO.. And the medic gets out and says ‘OH MY GOD…’… new guy’s in the corner puking his guts out… all because… you wanted to save a few extra pennies…

Now some of us are leaving and that is sad. But this isn’t the end. No way! We’re gonna show this world a thing or to… We’re gonna…. CRASSHHHHH!!

Oh pray to the gods all skinny punks, that tgis wind dont pick or ill comeover there and shove a oar up your ass.

Oh, I’ve interrupted happy hour!

Oh, look you’ve got a window. And why shouldn’t you…you’ve been her five minutes!

Oh, look you’ve got a window. And why shouldn’t you…you’ve been here five minutes!

Oooh yeh thats it, thaats it, time to take off that itchy robe. No no its OK, theres no-one around. Its NAUGHTY TIME!

ow let’s see what happens when you drive with the OTHER guy’s brake-pads.. you’re driving along, you’re driving along, then all of a sudden the kids are yelling in the backseat, ‘I gotta go to the bathroom, daddy!’, ‘NOT NOW, DAMNIT!’– truck tire! RRRRR! I can’t stop!!! AHHH!! AHHH! HELLLP! THERE’S A CLIFF!!! AHHHHHH!! And your family’s screaming, ‘OH MY GOD, WE’RE BURNING ALIVE!! NOOO, I CAN’T FEEL MY LEGS!’ In comes the meat wagon! WEE WOO WEE WOO WEE WOO.. And the medic gets out and says ‘OH MY GOD…’… new guy’s in the corner puking his guts out… all because… you wanted to save a few extra pennies…

Paul: Did you eat a lot of paint chips when you were a kid? Tommy: Why?

Paul: So what do you guys do in this town BESIDES eat? Tommy: Oh we can go scope the 4-H babes, Throw things off a bridge….. Paul: I was kind of hoping for something a little more exciting. Tommy: oh, all you can handle brother!

Quit playing with your Dingy!!!

Richard Hayden: Ya know what? If you don’t know how to use your seatbelt, just ring your call button and Tommy will come back there and hit you on the head with a tackhammer because you are a retard.

Richard were you watching SPANKtravision? Hey that’s a pretty girl down there, I wonder if she dates one of the YANKee’s?

Richard who’s your favorite Little Rascal, Alfalfa or Spanky?

richard your a riot! my thing got stuck in my zipper and i got piss all over my pants!

Richard, does this suit make me look fat? (2) No, your face does

Richard, don’t run away from your feelings!

Richard- oh that HAS to be you!!! did ya spray that thing for bugs?

RICHARD- We dont take no…. TOMMY- shit from anyone

Richard… were you watching spanktravision?

Richard…what were you doing? Work, just working on some papers….Richard….were you watching Spanktravision??? Heeeyyy….thats a pretty girl out there,i wonder if her boyfriend’s one of the YANKEES!!!()Richard…whose you favorite Little Raschal? Alpha Alpha….or Spankey….Go to sleep Tommy…

Richard: Can I get your John Handcock right here? Tommy: Uh…It’s Herby Handcock…bahhhhhhh.

Richard: Did that board to the head knock something loose? Tommy: What are you talking about? Richard: That 180 you pulled on the waitress back there. Why can’t you sell like that? Tommy: I was just having fun. We didn’t get the wings, so what? We still got that Meat-Lovers pizza in the trunk. Richard: No, you got the wings ’cause you were relaxed. See, you had confidence. And that’s what it takes to sell: confidence. Your dad had that. Uugh! Why do you always have to de-turd these things? Tommy: My dad was smart: I’m not. Richard: Very true, but there’s 2 types of smarts: book smart, which waved bye-bye to you long ago, and then there’s street smart, the ability to read people. And you know how to do that, just like your dad. He was the best at knowing what people wanted to hear and what people needed to hear, and that’s what selling’s all about. In a way, these people are buying you, not just break pads. Tommy: Hey everybody, it’s Tony Robbins! Maybe you’re right, Richard. Richard: I think I am. HOLY LORD!! Look at this guy: caught him right after Thanksgiving feast. Tommy: That’s great, Richard. Richard: I need a Pooper-Scooper.

Richard: House keeping want me to fluff ur pillow, House keeping want to jerk u off?

Tommy:What kind of place is this?

Richard: Housekeeping, you want me jerk you off? Tommy: What kind of hotel is this?

Richard: I need your John Hancock, sir. Tommy Boy: John Hancock,its Herbie Hancock.

richard: need me for pillow tommy: go away richard: need me for blowjob tommy: what kind of hotel is this.

Richard: This is Tommy he’ll be taking you through my lil schpeil here…he is a scorpio, likes biking and has never been laid…(shrugs to Tommy) Ok, exits…there should be some over there, one back here and one usually over by the wing somewhere…seatbelts…ok, you put the little end in the big end and you know what, if you dont know how to buckle a seatbelt ring your call button and Tommy will come over and hit you in the head with a tackhammer because you are a retard…life perservers, all though, I dont think that we’ll hit a lake my guess is it will be a mountain…any how…you put it over your head like so, and pull… (Tommy chokes because it was a child perserver)he’s a big dumb animal isn’t he?

Richard: you didnt call Tommy: ya i did Richard: what number did you call? Tommy: three seven six niner two… Richard: your trailing off and did i hear a niner in there? what are we using walkie talkies now? Tommy: Shut up richard!

Richard:It’s called reading- top to bottom, left to right, group of words together is a sentence. Take Tylenol for any headaches, Midol for any cramps. Tommy:Shut up, Richard

Richard:Its called reading top to bottom left to right, put words together it forms a sentence, take tylenol for headachs midol for cramps.

Richard:Knock, Knock…Housekeeping Tommy: No Thank You… Richard:Knock, Knock…What me fluff pillow?? Tommy: No pillow, need sleepy.. Richard:Knock, Knock…What fresh towel? Tommy: GO AWAY FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! Richard:Knock, Knock…What me jerk you off? Tommy: What kinda hotel is this? oh it’s you.. Richard: They just called, and ordered an order of brake pads and according to my calculations that puts us over the mark Tommy: WE DID IT..Oh Richard, hold me… Richard:Oh boy… Tommy: Dont run away from your feelings…

richard?Yeah tommy?who’s your favorite little rascal alfalfa or spanky.

richared – oh look mommy, the rhino’s getting too close to the car. tommy- he’s too afraid to get out, he’s just a little guy.

see that thing in the back seat? thats no air freshener, that’s a rotting deer carcass.

Shut up Richard!

so did u hear i finally graduated yeah in a shade under a decade too allright you know alot of people go to college for 7 years i know there called doctors

So what is there to do in this town anyway ? Well, we could go cow tipping or we could throw things off the bridge or we could go to the livestock auction and cruise the 4-H babes.

So….whats for dinner? Chicken orrr chicken?

son of a….thats gonna leave a mark

Son Of Aaaaaa!!!

Stop the trucks…stop Tommy Boy!

T:Richard, were you watching SPANKTRAVISION? R: Ok, let’s hit it T:Hey!That’s a pretty girl down there R: That’s great T: I wonder if she goes out with one of the Yankees…

That doesn’t look like the answer. I don’t remember eating that.

That was AWESOME!!…oh, yea…er…sorry about the car.

That’s what she said. She said.

that…was…the…COOLEST thing i have EVER seen….sucks about your car man.

the average person uses 10 percent of their brain..you use 1 1/2 percent…the rest is clogged with bong resin

The reason why they have a guarrantee on the box is because they know all they sold you is a guarranteed piece of shit. Hell, I can take a crap in a box and slap a guarrantee on it for you, if that’s what you want.

The reason why they have a guarrantee on the box is because they know all they sold you is a guarranteed piece of shit. Hell, I can take a crap in a box and slap a guarrantee on it for you, if that’s what you want. But then all you have is a guaranteed piece of shit!

The reason why they have a guarrantee on the box is because they know all they sold you was a guarranteed piece of shit. Hell, I can take a dump in a box and mark it guaranteed if you want, I’ve got spare time. Hey, you never know, maybe the guarentee fairy will leave a nickel under you pillow, right? WHAT’S YOUR POINT? How do you know the guarentee fairy isn’t a crazy glue sniffer?? Build a model airplane, says the little fairy. Well I’m not buyin’ it. Next thing you know there’s money missing from the dresser and your daughter’s knocked up. I’ve seen it a hundred times. But right now, for your customer’s sake, for your DAUGters sake, how about buying a QUALity product from me. OK, , , I’LL BUY FROM YOU. Well, that’s . . . HUH?

These shoes are Italian, they’re worth more than your life.

this guy is trying to sell out our company not to mention put you on the streets and all you can say is *hmm he seems like a nice guy!*

this is for Diamond Laine. Quote #2 is I guess that’s you’re THEORY. not fear. and #3 is YOUR SAIL IS LIMP,like your dick! not ,hey, yo, santas limp. just thought I’d letchya know

This is not a real quote, but about 60 percent of the quotes in the Tommy Boy section are misquoted. Learn to watch a movie people.

This isn’t a quote. This is for the people that are submitting the quotes incorrectly. You are retarded. You need to watch the movie again.

Tommy (refering to Ray Zalinsky): He seems like a nice guy. Richard: This guy’s trying to buy us out, not to mention put you out of business, and all you can say is ‘He seems like a nice guy’

Tommy Likey, Tommy Want Wingy

Tommy likie! Tommy want wingy!

Tommy want wingy.

Tommy, hurry up. your going to be late for school again, (kid climbs down rope ladder, runs) Son of a….

tommy- richard is there a mark on my face Richard- nope Tommy- it doesnt hurt here or here so much, but right here Richard- nope, ship shape

Tommy- yeah i called earlier Richard- oh, really? what number did ya call? Tommy- 2, 4, 7, 3 niner Richard- your trailing off and did i cathc a niner in there? were ya calling from a walkie talkie? Tommy- NO! it was a cordless

Tommy: How do you know the tooth fairy isn’t some crazy glue-sniffer. ‘Buildin’ model air planes,’ he tells them. Well I’m not buying it. He sneaks into your house once, thats all it takes. Next thing you know you got money missing off your dresser drawer and your daughter’s knocked up.

Tommy: But what if the Guarantee Fairy’s a crazy glue sniffer? Next thing you know there’s change missing from your dresser and your daughter’s knocked up. I’ve seen it a hundred times.

Tommy: Come on I’ll give ya a free one! *Richard punches* Tommy: Did somebody leave a window open?! *Richard punches again* Tommy: That the best you got? *Richard gives him a triple smack* Tommy: If I had wanted a kiss I would have called your mother. *Richard smashes a 2X4 across Tommy’s face* Tommy: That was a good one…

Tommy: Did ya hear I finally graduated? Richard: Yeah, and just a shade under a decade too…alriiight. Tommy: Ya know a lot of people go to college for seven years. Richard: I know. They’re called doctors.

Tommy: Did you hear I graduated? Richard Hayden: Yeah and just a shade under a decade. All right. Tommy: A lot of people go to college for seven years. Richard Hayden: Yeah, they’re called doctors.

Tommy: Did you hear I graduated? Richard: Yeah and just a shade under a decade. All right.

Tommy: Did you hear I graduated? Richard: Yeah and just a shade under a decade. All right. Tommy: A lot of people go to college for seven years. Richard: Yeah, they’re called doctors.

Tommy: Does this suit make me look fat? Richard: No, your face does.

Tommy: Hey Richard, is this your coat? Fat guy in a little coat…fat guy in a little coat… Richard: Take it off dickhead I’m serious. Tommy: Fat guy in a little coat. Fat guy in a little coat. Richard: Don’t! Tommy: Richard, what’s happening? uh-oh….

Tommy: Hims too fraid to get out, hims just a little guy. Richard: Oh that’s it big boy I’m gonna wail on you!

Tommy: I didn’t rob the bank Kid: OH Ya, like it was some other realy fat guy with a tiny head. Tommy: I have a tiny head?

Tommy: look its even got a fridge. You can put a six pack beeerrrr…soda in here.

Tommy: Richard! Were you watching…Spanktravision? Richard: Ok then, lets hit it. Tommy: Maybe you were watching a movie with that funny comedian, oh what’s his name!? Buddy Wacket!? Richard: Alright then, lets get some shut eye. Tommy: Hey, that’s a pretty girl down there! Richard: Good for her. Tommy: Geez, I wonder if she goes out with one of the Yankees!

Tommy: RICHARD!?! WHAT’D YOU DO?!

Tommy: Richard, is this your coat? Richard: Tommy, no. Tommy: Fat guy in a little coat. Richard: Take it off dickhead, I’m serious Tommy: Fat guy in a little coat, Fat guy in a little coat. Richard: Tommy… Tommy: Richard, what’s happ- RIIIIIIIIP

Tommy: They have a thin candy shell. I’m surprised you didn’t know that. Richard: I think your brain has a thick candy shell.

Tommy: Wait just a sec Ted, you suppose a man buy’s a box marked guranteed because he wants to feel all warm inside, am I right? Ted: it makes a man feel good, Tommy: sure, why wouldn’t it, hell if you left it under your pillow at night, the guranteed fairly might leave you a quarter, am I right Ted? Ted: whats your point, Tommy: Well what I’m trying to say is how do you know this fairly isn’t a crazy glue sniffer, build a model airplane he says well we’re not buying it. He snuck into your house one time, that’s all it takes, next thing you know your daughter’s knocked up and there’s money missing off your dresser, I’ve seen it a hundred times Ted: What’s your point? Tommy: What I’m trying to say is when you buy a box marked guranteed, all your getting is a guranteed piece of shit. Hey if you want me to take a dump in a box and mark it guranteed, I will, I have spare time. But for your daughter’s sake, for your company’s sake, you might wanna buy a quality product from me. Ted: Alright I’ll buy it Tommy: Well thats, WHAT!?

Tommy: What’s your hurry? Richard: Well you know that thing in the backseat? It’s not an air freshener it’s a dead rotting deer carcus.

Tommy: Wucha do, is you put your shoulder into her and ya push. Paul: And? Tommy: They fall over!

Tommy: You Can’t Just Go In and Out ya gotta finness’m a little Richard: Oh By finness do you mean sputtering out sentence fragments and lighting things on fire.

Tommy: You know, you can get a good look at a butcher’s ass by shoving your head up it but wouldn’t you rather take his word for it?

Tommy:Do u know where the Weight room is??? Hott Chick:No Tommy:I’ll check it ouy Hott chick:Sorry

Tommy:Does this coat make me look fat? Richard:No, your face does.

Tommy:Richard, does this suit make me look fat? Richard:No no no, your face does.

Tommy:[repeated line, to Richard] Shut up, Richard!

tommy;And what did I tell you about eating in the car anyways. richard;That its not good cause it spoils your dinner!?hehehehehe

Tough luck, kid, get drunk on me. Use the bucket to ice down your marbles, Dearest Z.

Twenty dollars for the rent…hmm…maybe instead they’ll spend it on the whores

Ugh, I can actually hear you getting fatter.

Ughh! Why do you always have to de-turd these things?

We have to take him to the vet. You don’t take dead animals to the vet, _ _ _ _ _ _ _. I’ll take you to the vet I’ll…take…you… Got that? SHUT UP, _ _ _ _ _ _ _

We’re family, we’re gonna be doing lots of dumb stuff together. Wait ’til Christmas.

WE’RE GOING TO SHOW THIS WORLD A THING OR TWO, WE’RE……….

well u can get a good look at a T-Bone by sticking ur head a a bulls ass but wouldnt u rather take the butchers word for it?

What are we serving tonight? Chicken or… chicken?

What if the guarantee fairy is a crazy glue sniffer? Building model airplanes he says well I’m not buying it. Let him in the house once is all it takes, next thing you know, your daughter is knocked up and there is change missing from your dresser. I have seen it happen a million times…

What my partner is saying is our brake pads are really cool, say for example you be driving along dooot doot truck tire in the middle of the road errrrrr that was close heres what happends when driving with the other guys brake pads, your just driving along kids are in the backseat screaming I gotta go to the bathroom daddy, not now damn it truck tire I cant stop,wrrreee thiers cliff boom boom, oh my god were burning alive diren diren, the new guys inthe back puking his guts out blahhh blahh.

What’d ya do?!

What’d ya dooo?!?!?

What’d you doooo??

What’s funny about that? They tip over!

wheres my dad? he was here earlier you should have called. i did call… earlier. earlier what time? or later. what number did you call? 24niner5678 i can’t hear you your trailing off and did i catch a niner in there? were you calling from a walkie talkie? no it was cordless

Whores running around doing there little behind shake for the men-folk. Richard: i kinda like her idea

Whores, running around, shaking their BEhinds…

wow, lainie diamond, you do not know what the hell you are talking abut because half of that stuff in that quot is VERY VERY wrong..it’s ‘jam an OAR up your ass’…why would he have said door? he’s on a boatand that would make most sense if he said oar, which he does…o

Ya know what? If you don’t know how to use your seatbelt, just ring your call button and Tommy will come back there and hit you on the head with a tackhammer because you are a RETARD…

Yea and sicne you were my dads right hand man, I’d have to say you got the rest of the month open.Wait a minute Timeout bad idea, I don’t think anyone can help baby huey out there. Got any better plans!

Yea, my dad used to go out here when i was a kid, and i’d be over there on the beach, and he’d yell to me, QUIT PLAYIN WITH UR DINGY!!

yeah like i’d forget a fat guy with a tiny head…richard do i have a tiny head?

yeah melted chocolate in the dash, that really ups the resale value.

Yeah that was cool, in the first grade!

yo this sucks!!

You better pray to the god of skinny punks that this wind doesn’t pick up

YOU CAN FIT A SIX-PACK OF BEE….SODAS IN HERE. -ANYTHING YOU WANT TO KEEP COOL SON.

You could take a good look at butcher’s ass by sticking your head up there, but wouldn’t you rather take hisword for it?..Boy i’ve really got loss of words here… i mean, you could take a good look at a t-bone by sticking your head up a butcher’s ass, wait , no, it’s gotta be your bull

You don’t take dead animals to the vet.We take you to the vet, we take you to the….yeah you got that.Shutup Richard

You Know alot of people go to college for seven years. Yeah,They’re called Doctors.

You’re a naughty pet…YOU’RE NAUGHTY!!

Your brain has the shell on it

Your brain’s the one with the shell on it!

Your dad could sell a ketchup popsicle to a woman wearing white gloves.

Your driving along, driving along, the kids are in the back saying, ‘I got to go to the bathroom daddy’,’Not now dammit. Truck tire. I cant stop. There’s a cliff. Aaaaah.(Smash)Here comes the meat wagon eoooeoooeooo. The new guys pukin his guts out.

Your….head..has..the..shell.on.it are you talking shut up, Richard

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9 of the best 'tommy boy' quotes, this timeless comedy is full of hilarious quotes and scenes..

First things first: if you’ve never seen " Tommy Boy" with Chris Farley and David Spade, go do it. Go do it now. It’s on Netflix.

This 1995 comedy is a classic. It’s one of those movies that you can watch over and over, and never get sick of it. The basic premise of the movie is based on a struggling college graduate, Tommy Callahan (Chris Farley), who has to keep his late father’s auto parts factory from being bought out from the big time auto dealers. Callahan and Richard Haden (David Spade) set out to save the company.

Here are some of the best quotes, gifs and scenes from " Tommy Boy ."

Hit the gym, people.

If you ever need to get away from the cops, I doubt this will work in real life...

"They're ripping my flesh off!"

Of course Herbie Hancock was a framer of the U.S. Constitution. At least Tommy passed with a D+ and was able to graduate college.

How a typical afternoon in the car with your friends goes, minus Bambi in the back seat.

Let me tell you why I suck.

"I killed my sale!"

And when you go to that big job interview, don't do this...

"Do you validate?"

"I know. They're called doctors."

ALWAYS be the fat guy in a little coat. Always.

And ignore housekeeping at all possible costs. Here's why:

Rule number one from " Tommy Boy :" always have fun.

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Grateful beyond words: a letter to my inspiration, i have never been so thankful to know you..

I can't say "thank you" enough to express how grateful I am for you coming into my life. You have made such a huge impact on my life. I would not be the person I am today without you and I know that you will keep inspiring me to become an even better version of myself.

You have taught me that you don't always have to strong. You are allowed to break down as long as you pick yourself back up and keep moving forward. When life had you at your worst moments, you allowed your friends to be there for you and to help you. You let them in and they helped pick you up. Even in your darkest hour you showed so much strength. I know that you don't believe in yourself as much as you should but you are unbelievably strong and capable of anything you set your mind to.

Your passion to make a difference in the world is unbelievable. You put your heart and soul into your endeavors and surpass any personal goal you could have set. Watching you do what you love and watching you make a difference in the lives of others is an incredible experience. The way your face lights up when you finally realize what you have accomplished is breathtaking and I hope that one day I can have just as much passion you have.

SEE MORE: A Letter To My Best Friend On Her Birthday

The love you have for your family is outstanding. Watching you interact with loved ones just makes me smile . You are so comfortable and you are yourself. I see the way you smile when you are around family and I wish I could see you smile like this everyday. You love with all your heart and this quality is something I wished I possessed.

You inspire me to be the best version of myself. I look up to you. I feel that more people should strive to have the strength and passion that you exemplify in everyday life.You may be stubborn at points but when you really need help you let others in, which shows strength in itself. I have never been more proud to know someone and to call someone my role model. You have taught me so many things and I want to thank you. Thank you for inspiring me in life. Thank you for making me want to be a better person.

Waitlisted for a College Class? Here's What to Do!

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life..

Course registration at college can be a big hassle and is almost never talked about. Classes you want to take fill up before you get a chance to register. You might change your mind about a class you want to take and must struggle to find another class to fit in the same time period. You also have to make sure no classes clash by time. Like I said, it's a big hassle.

This semester, I was waitlisted for two classes. Most people in this situation, especially first years, freak out because they don't know what to do. Here is what you should do when this happens.

Don't freak out

This is a rule you should continue to follow no matter what you do in life, but is especially helpful in this situation.

Email the professor

Around this time, professors are getting flooded with requests from students wanting to get into full classes. This doesn't mean you shouldn't burden them with your email; it means they are expecting interested students to email them. Send a short, concise message telling them that you are interested in the class and ask if there would be any chance for you to get in.

Attend the first class

Often, the advice professors will give you when they reply to your email is to attend the first class. The first class isn't the most important class in terms of what will be taught. However, attending the first class means you are serious about taking the course and aren't going to give up on it.

Keep attending class

Every student is in the same position as you are. They registered for more classes than they want to take and are "shopping." For the first couple of weeks, you can drop or add classes as you please, which means that classes that were once full will have spaces. If you keep attending class and keep up with assignments, odds are that you will have priority. Professors give preference to people who need the class for a major and then from higher to lower class year (senior to freshman).

Have a backup plan

For two weeks, or until I find out whether I get into my waitlisted class, I will be attending more than the usual number of classes. This is so that if I don't get into my waitlisted class, I won't have a credit shortage and I won't have to fall back in my backup class. Chances are that enough people will drop the class, especially if it is very difficult like computer science, and you will have a chance. In popular classes like art and psychology, odds are you probably won't get in, so prepare for that.

Remember that everything works out at the end

Life is full of surprises. So what if you didn't get into the class you wanted? Your life obviously has something else in store for you. It's your job to make sure you make the best out of what you have.

Navigating the Talking Stage: 21 Essential Questions to Ask for Connection

It's mandatory to have these conversations..

Whether you met your new love interest online , through mutual friends, or another way entirely, you'll definitely want to know what you're getting into. I mean, really, what's the point in entering a relationship with someone if you don't know whether or not you're compatible on a very basic level?

Consider these 21 questions to ask in the talking stage when getting to know that new guy or girl you just started talking to:

1. What do you do for a living?

What someone does for a living can tell a lot about who they are and what they're interested in! Their career reveals a lot more about them than just where they spend their time to make some money.

2. What's your favorite color?

OK, I get it, this seems like something you would ask a Kindergarten class, but I feel like it's always good to know someone's favorite color . You could always send them that Snapchat featuring you in that cute shirt you have that just so happens to be in their favorite color!

3. Do you have any siblings?

This one is actually super important because it's totally true that people grow up with different roles and responsibilities based on where they fall in the order. You can tell a lot about someone just based on this seemingly simple question.

4. What's your favorite television show?

OK, maybe this isn't a super important question, but you have to know ASAP if you can quote Michael Scott or not. If not, he probably isn't the one. Sorry, girl.

5. When is your birthday?

You can then proceed to do the thing that every girl does without admitting it and see how compatible your zodiacs are.

6. What's your biggest goal in life?

If you're like me, you have big goals that you want to reach someday, and you want a man behind you who also has big goals and understands what it's like to chase after a dream. If his biggest goal is to see how quickly he can binge-watch " Grey's Anatomy " on Netflix , you may want to move on.

7. If you had three wishes granted to you by a genie, what would they be?

This is a go-to for an insight into their personality. Based on how they answer, you can tell if they're goofy, serious, or somewhere in between.

8. What's your favorite childhood memory?

For some, this may be a hard question if it involves a family member or friend who has since passed away . For others, it may revolve around a tradition that no longer happens. The answers to this question are almost endless!

9. If you could change one thing about your life, what would it be?

We all have parts of our lives and stories that we wish we could change. It's human nature to make mistakes. This question is a little bit more personal but can really build up the trust level.

10. Are you a cat or a dog person?

I mean, duh! If you're a dog person, and he is a cat person, it's not going to work out.

11. Do you believe in a religion or any sort of spiritual power?

Personally, I am a Christian, and as a result, I want to be with someone who shares those same values. I know some people will argue that this question is too much in the talking stage , but why go beyond the talking stage if your personal values will never line up?

12. If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would it be?

Even homebodies have a must visit place on their bucket list !

13. What is your ideal date night?

Hey, if you're going to go for it... go for it!

14. Who was/is your celebrity crush?

For me, it was hands-down Nick Jonas . This is always a fun question to ask!

15. What's a good way to cheer you up if you're having a bad day?

Let's be real, if you put a label on it, you're not going to see your significant other at their best 24/7.

16. Do you have any tattoos?

This can lead to some really good conversations, especially if they have a tattoo that has a lot of meaning to them!

17. Can you describe yourself in three words?

It's always interesting to see if how the person you're talking to views their personal traits lines ups with the vibes you're getting.

18. What makes you the most nervous in life?

This question can go multiple different directions, and it could also be a launching pad for other conversations.

19. What's the best gift you have ever received? 

Admittedly, I have asked this question to friends as well, but it's neat to see what people value.

20. What do you do to relax/have fun?

Work hard, play hard, right?

21. What are your priorities at this phase of your life?

This is always interesting because no matter how compatible your personalities may be, if one of you wants to be serious and the other is looking for something casual, it's just not going to work.

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Challah vs. Easter Bread: A Delicious Dilemma

Is there really such a difference in challah bread or easter bread.

Ever since I could remember, it was a treat to receive Easter Bread made by my grandmother. We would only have it once a year and the wait was excruciating. Now that my grandmother has gotten older, she has stopped baking a lot of her recipes that require a lot of hand usage--her traditional Italian baking means no machines. So for the past few years, I have missed enjoying my Easter Bread.

A few weeks ago, I was given a loaf of bread called Challah (pronounced like holla), and upon my first bite, I realized it tasted just like Easter Bread. It was so delicious that I just had to make some of my own, which I did.

The recipe is as follows:

Ingredients

2 tsp active dry or instant yeast 1 cup lukewarm water 4 to 4 1/2 cups all-purpose flour 1/2 cup white granulated sugar 2 tsp salt 2 large eggs 1 large egg yolk (reserve the white for the egg wash) 1/4 cup neutral-flavored vegetable oil

Instructions

• Combine yeast and a pinch of sugar in small bowl with the water and stir until you see a frothy layer across the top.
• Whisk together 4 cups of the flour, sugar, and salt in a large bowl.
• Make a well in the center of the flour and add in eggs, egg yolk, and oil. Whisk these together to form a slurry, pulling in a little flour from the sides of the bowl.
• Pour the yeast mixture over the egg slurry and mix until difficult to move.
• Turn out the dough onto a floured work surface and knead by hand for about 10 minutes. If the dough seems very sticky, add flour a teaspoon at a time until it feels tacky, but no longer like bubblegum. The dough has finished kneading when it is soft, smooth, and holds a ball-shape.
• Place the dough in an oiled bowl, cover with plastic wrap, and place somewhere warm. Let the dough rise 1 1/2 to 2 hours.
• Separate the dough into four pieces. Roll each piece of dough into a long rope roughly 1-inch thick and 16 inches long.
• Gather the ropes and squeeze them together at the very top. Braid the pieces in the pattern of over, under, and over again. Pinch the pieces together again at the bottom.
• Line a baking sheet with parchment and lift the loaf on top. Sprinkle the loaf with a little flour and drape it with a clean dishcloth. Place the pan somewhere warm and away from drafts and let it rise until puffed and pillowy, about an hour.
• Heat the oven to 350°F. Whisk the reserved egg white with a tablespoon of water and brush it all over the challah. Be sure to get in the cracks and down the sides of the loaf.
• Slide the challah on its baking sheet into the oven and bake for 30 to 35 minutes, rotating the pan halfway through cooking. The challah is done when it is deeply browned.

I kept wondering how these two breads could be so similar in taste. So I decided to look up a recipe for Easter Bread to make a comparison. The two are almost exactly the same! These recipes are similar because they come from religious backgrounds. The Jewish Challah bread is based on kosher dietary laws. The Christian Easter Bread comes from the Jewish tradition but was modified over time because they did not follow kosher dietary laws.

A recipe for Easter bread is as follows:

2 tsp active dry or instant yeast 2/3 cup milk 2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour 1/4 cup white granulated sugar 2 tbs butter 2 large eggs 2 tbs melted butter 1 tsp salt

• In a large bowl, combine 1 cup flour, sugar, salt, and yeast; stir well. Combine milk and butter in a small saucepan; heat until milk is warm and butter is softened but not melted.
• Gradually add the milk and butter to the flour mixture; stirring constantly. Add two eggs and 1/2 cup flour; beat well. Add the remaining flour, 1/2 cup at a time, stirring well after each addition. When the dough has pulled together, turn it out onto a lightly floured surface and knead until smooth and elastic, about 8 minutes.
• Lightly oil a large bowl, place the dough in the bowl and turn to coat with oil. Cover with a damp cloth and let rise in a warm place until doubled in volume, about 1 hour.
• Deflate the dough and turn it out onto a lightly floured surface. Divide the dough into two equal size rounds; cover and let rest for 10 minutes. Roll each round into a long roll about 36 inches long and 1 1/2 inches thick. Using the two long pieces of dough, form a loosely braided ring, leaving spaces for the five colored eggs. Seal the ends of the ring together and use your fingers to slide the eggs between the braids of dough.
• Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Place loaf on a buttered baking sheet and cover loosely with a damp towel. Place loaf in a warm place and let rise until doubled in bulk, about 45 minutes. Brush risen loaf with melted butter.
• Bake in the preheated oven until golden brown, about 30 minutes.

Both of these recipes are really easy to make. While you might need to have a day set aside for this activity, you can do things while the dough is rising or in the oven. After only a few hours, you have a delicious loaf of bread that you made from scratch, so the time and effort is really worth it!

Unlocking Lake People's Secrets: 15 Must-Knows!

There's no other place you'd rather be in the summer..

The people that spend their summers at the lake are a unique group of people.

Whether you grew up going to the lake , have only recently started going, or have only been once or twice, you know it takes a certain kind of person to be a lake person. To the long-time lake people, the lake holds a special place in your heart , no matter how dirty the water may look.

Every year when summer rolls back around, you can't wait to fire up the boat and get back out there. Here is a list of things you can probably identify with as a fellow lake-goer.

A bad day at the lake is still better than a good day not at the lake.

It's your place of escape, where you can leave everything else behind and just enjoy the beautiful summer day. No matter what kind of week you had, being able to come and relax without having to worry about anything else is the best therapy there is. After all, there's nothing better than a day of hanging out in the hot sun, telling old funny stories and listening to your favorite music.

You know the best beaches and coves to go to.

Whether you want to just hang out and float or go walk around on a beach, you know the best spots. These often have to be based on the people you're with, given that some "party coves" can get a little too crazy for little kids on board. I still have vivid memories from when I was six that scared me when I saw the things drunk girls would do for beads.

You have no patience for the guy who can't back his trailer into the water right.

When there's a long line of trucks waiting to dump their boats in the water, there's always that one clueless guy who can't get it right, and takes 5 attempts and holds up the line. No one likes that guy. One time my dad got so fed up with a guy who was taking too long that he actually got out of the car and asked this guy if he could just do it for him. So he got into the guy's car, threw it in reverse, and got it backed in on the first try. True story.

Doing the friendly wave to every boat you pass.

Similar to the "jeep wave," almost everyone waves to other boats passing by. It's just what you do, and is seen as a normal thing by everyone.

The cooler is always packed, mostly with beer.

Alcohol seems to be a big part of the lake experience, but other drinks are squeezed into the room remaining in the cooler for the kids, not to mention the wide assortment of chips and other foods in the snack bag.

Giving the idiot who goes 30 in a "No Wake Zone" a piece of your mind.

There's nothing worse than floating in the water, all settled in and minding your business, when some idiot barrels through. Now your anchor is loose, and you're left jostled by the waves when it was nice and perfectly still before. This annoyance is typically answered by someone yelling some choice words to them that are probably accompanied by a middle finger in the air.

You have no problem with peeing in the water.

It's the lake, and some social expectations are a little different here, if not lowered quite a bit. When you have to go, you just go, and it's no big deal to anyone because they do it too.

You know the frustration of getting your anchor stuck.

The number of anchors you go through as a boat owner is likely a number that can be counted on two hands. Every once in a while, it gets stuck on something on the bottom of the lake, and the only way to fix the problem is to cut the rope, and you have to replace it.

Watching in awe at the bigger, better boats that pass by.

If you're the typical lake-goer, you likely might have an average-sized boat that you're perfectly happy with. However, that doesn't mean you don't stop and stare at the fast boats that loudly speed by, or at the obnoxiously huge yachts that pass.

Knowing any swimsuit that you own with white in it is best left for the pool or the ocean.

You've learned this the hard way, coming back from a day in the water and seeing the flowers on your bathing suit that were once white, are now a nice brownish hue.

The momentary fear for your life as you get launched from the tube.

If the driver knows how to give you a good ride, or just wants to specifically throw you off, you know you're done when you're speeding up and heading straight for a big wave. Suddenly you're airborne, knowing you're about to completely wipe out, and you eat pure wake. Then you get back on and do it all again.

You're able to go to the restaurants by the water wearing minimal clothing.

One of the many nice things about the life at the lake is that everybody cares about everything a little less. Rolling up to the place wearing only your swimsuit, a cover-up, and flip flops, you fit right in. After a long day when you're sunburned, a little buzzed, and hungry, you're served without any hesitation.

Having unexpected problems with your boat.

Every once in a while you're hit with technical difficulties, no matter what type of watercraft you have. This is one of the most annoying setbacks when you're looking forward to just having a carefree day on the water, but it's bound to happen. This is just one of the joys that come along with being a boat owner.

Having a name for your boat unique to you and your life.

One of the many interesting things that make up the lake culture is the fact that many people name their boats. They can range from basic to funny, but they are unique to each and every owner, and often have interesting and clever meanings behind them.

There's no better place you'd rather be in the summer.

Summer is your all-time favorite season, mostly because it's spent at the lake. Whether you're floating in the cool water under the sun, or taking a boat ride as the sun sets, you don't have a care in the world at that moment . The people that don't understand have probably never experienced it, but it's what keeps you coming back every year.

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Tommy Boy quotes

15 Things You Might Not Know About 'Tommy Boy'

By m. arbeiter | mar 22, 2022, 7:49 pm edt.

1. TOMMY BOY WAS WRITTEN BY THE CREATORS OF TWO VERY SUCCESSFUL SITCOMS.

Tommy Boy was the final film penned by married screenwriting team Terry and Bonnie Turner, who had previously collaborated on Wayne’s World and its sequel, Coneheads , and The Brady Bunch Movie . After the Farley/Spade movie, the Turners set their sights on the small screen, going on to create 3rd Rock from the Sun and That ’70s Show .

2. ROB LOWE ORIGINALLY HAD THE DAVID SPADE ROLE.

It’s tough to imagine a Tommy Boy that doesn’t feature the diminutive, uptight Spade as foil to the larger-than-life Farley. However, the original story envisioned by Lorne Michaels would have featured Rob Lowe as Farley’s character’s brother and primary screen partner. After Spade was brought on board as second billing, Lowe was demoted to a villainous role as Farley’s criminal (and accident-prone) stepbrother.

3. LOWE WAS NOT EVEN CREDITED FOR HIS APPEARANCE IN THE MOVIE.

Although Lowe stayed in the picture after Spade’s hire, he never actually got screen credit for his work. Due to a concurrent role on ABC’s miniseries adaptation of The Stand by Stephen King, Lowe was forced by contract to keep his name off the Farley movie entirely. Lowe now jokes that it took about 15 years for the public to notice this oddity.

4. FRED WOLF ALSO WORKED ON THE FILM WITHOUT ATTRIBUTION.

Following completion of the Turners’ Tommy Boy script, Saturday Night Live writer Fred Wolf was brought in for touch-ups. Like Lowe, however, Wolf was never credited for his work on the movie. One year later, Wolf wrote the screenplay for Farley and Spade’s second starring vehicle, Black Sheep .

5. DAVID SPADE REFUSED TO LET THE FILM’S STYLISTS WORK ON HIS HAIR.

Spade wanted to maintain a naturally unkempt hairdo in keeping with the nature of his character, the perpetually flustered Richard Hayden.

6. FARLEY AND SPADE GOT INTO A SPAT DURING FILMING.

An infamous incident from the set of Tommy Boy involved Farley becoming angry and violent with his costar and close friend after finding out that Spade had gone out with Lowe the night before without inviting him. Farley reportedly taunted Spade about the hangout and stomped on his hand, prompting Spade to leave set for the day.

7. FARLEY’S TWO BROTHERS BOTH APPEAR IN THE MOVIE.

Kevin and John, the middle and youngest of the three Farley brothers respectively, both appear in Tommy Boy during the wedding reception of Brian Dennehy and Bo Derek’s characters.

8. TOMMY’S CATCHPHRASE WAS A YOUNG FARLEY’S OWN INVENTION.

At several points in the movie, Farley shouts the nonsense phrase, “Holy schnikes!” According to director Peter Segal, Farley created this saying in childhood in light of his parents’ strict rule against using obscenities.

9. THE CHARACTER’S ALMA MATER WAS ALSO BORROWED FROM FARLEY.

Like Tommy Callahan, Chris Farley graduated from Marquette University. (He likely didn’t squeak by with a D+ in History 201 after attributing the signing of the Declaration of Independence to Herbie Hancock.)

10. TOMMY CALLAHAN HAD SOME WELL KNOWN CLASSMATES.

Early on in the film, viewers catch a couple of quick glimpses of Farley’s character’s History 201 class roster. Among the names listed are “Helen Keller” and “Debbie Little,” printed last name first so as to read “Little, Debbie,” as in Little Debbie brand desserts and snacks.

11. TOMMY BOY HOLDS HIGH ESTEEM ON A CERTAIN RADIO SHOW.

Host Mike Golic of ESPN’s popular sports-talk program Mike & Mike makes occasional reference to Tommy Boy , even playing a clip from the film in one instance. Additionally, regular contributor Mark Schlereth used a 2013 episode of Mike & Mike as an opportunity to proclaim Tommy Boy as one of his five favorite films of the past 25 years.

12. BUT ONE MAJOR FILM CRITIC FELT DIFFERENTLY ABOUT THE MOVIE.

Roger Ebert had nothing but disdain for Tommy Boy and went so far as to place the movie on his notorious “Ebert’s Most Hated” list, compiled in 2005. How negative was Ebert’s review? Here’s a taste: “No one is funny in Tommy Boy . There are no memorable lines. None of the characters is interesting, except for the enigmatic figure played by Rob Lowe, who seems to have wandered over from Hamlet .”

13. BO DEREK DIDN’T HAVE A VERY HARD GIG.

Despite being one of the film’s two central antagonists, Derek only speaks 13 lines in the entire film.

14. THE MOST FAMOUS BIT IN THE FILM CAME STRAIGHT FROM FARLEY AND SPADE’S OFF SCREEN ANTICS.

Just as Tommy Callahan uses the “Fat Guy in a Little Coat” routine to amuse a downtrodden Richard in the film, Farley used to employ the antic to entertain his Saturday Night Live costar and officemate on set at Studio 8H. As Spade told in April 2014, “We shared an office, and … he would come in bored … and he would say, 'Davey. . . Turn around,' and I said, 'If this is "Fat Guy in a Little Coat," I'm not turning around. It's not funny anymore.' And he would say, 'No, I've got a whole new thing I'm doing.' And then I'd turn around, and it would be him in my Levi jacket, and he would say, 'Fat guy in little coat! Don't you give up on it!'”

15. TOMMY BOY SHARES A FEW MINOR (BUT MEMORABLE) CAST MEMBERS WITH ANOTHER 1995 COMEDY.

Released less than two months before to Tommy Boy , Adam Sandler’s slacker comedy Billy Madison featured a number of bit players who also had roles in the Farley vehicle…including Chris Farley, who played a school bus driver in the Sandler picture. Helen Hughes, who played Sandler’s second grade teacher in Billy Madison (notable for a scene in which she conducts a class spelling bee), appears in Tommy Boy as a board member of Callahan Auto who launches into a memorable tirade about prostitution. Child actor Austin Pool, likely remembered in Billy Madison as a stuttering third grade student who is mocked by Sandler, shows up early on in Tommy Boy as a Greyhound Bus passenger making faces at Rob Lowe.

From Chris Farley To Dan Aykroyd – The Best Tommy Boy Quotes

Here’s a selection of Tommy Boy Quotes, covering topics such as movies, comedy, butchers, sales, love and life.

We really hope you enjoy these quotes and that they give you something to think about.

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Tommy Boy 1995

Tommy: You can take a good look at a T-bone by sticking your head up a bull's ass, but wouldn't you rather take the butcher's word for it?

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